and its ONLY Tuesday?

Even though I’ve been busy this week, and alone in my department (because you know, everyone must get sick at the same time) I have still managed to keep up to date – keep clients happy(ish) and my sanity intact. I am also generally a nice guy. Cool, calm, collected - I don’t really have much of a temper and I’m quite good with angry people because of my wonderful talent to “pretend I actually care about you” – I am a champion of life.

Then there was today. dum dum dum…

Today I absolutely lost it. I had 2 irate clients one after the other who decided that “fuck” is an appropriate business word to use. This is the context in which “fuck” has been used today.

“You clearly have no fucking idea what you are doing. You should have been a mechanic because you have no people skills”

A mechanic? Better yet – a gay mechanic? bwahahaha - Shit, I thought you only found them in porn movies. You dear sir, clearly have no fucking idea what you are talking about because I am like THE fucking peoples fucking person OF note.

“How does your fucking company operate when I’ve tried to get through 5 times and no one answers the phone?”

You try doing the jobs of 5 people when you are alone in the office trying your best to keep everyone happy you piece of shit. (I bet you, with my luck, all these people read blogs…) well, in that case – GOOD, read on… I’m not done yet!!!

Actually I am.

I’m just not happy right now. I feel quite sad. So what do I do?

want ek dink ek is “die man”

- I punched the wall after the last call, snapped a pen and threw a stapler. Like in real life, not just saying it – and got into trouble with dragon lady aka - boss.

Because I thought I was a hero. And now?

Now I have sore knuckles, my hand is bleeding because the pen cut me – I have no pen and I’m not sure where my stapler landed.

I just want to go home and have a glass of wine – and the biggest, fattest jayjay ever seen.

The end.

In case the Gay Mechanics Society of South Africa come hunting me down, get over it. I’m not in the mood and you know what I mean anyway *deep breaths wozzie, deep breaths*

baaa!

Not much news in my life really. Nothing witty – smart or funny to say either. No pearls of wisdom or little truffles of secret indulgencies. Nothing scary, nothing frightening. No mishaps, piss-ups, fuckups or bumping into parents in Adult sex shops. I’ve not fallen pregnant, or out of love, perhaps only deeper in. I’ve not lost a phone or drunk dialled my boss for a lift home while pub crawling, or is that, rolling. I’m just here. A little fish in a real big pond. Swimming round and round.

And that’s ok. I’m alright with a slightly slower pace. The mayhem and chaos of my everyday life as I usually know it should return to normal soon.

the winter migration

It would seem the winter migration to Durban has begun. Every year. From Jozi, they trek down to the warmest place in SA during winter. Out of the blue they’ve arrived. And they are everywhere. Umhlanga never used to have street kids and homeless people hanging around begging at the stop lights like this before. Argyle Road in Morningside is even worse at the moment. There are beggars everywhere.

My heart goes out to these people, it really does but it also makes me very nervous. These are desperate people and desperation drives people to do things they may not usually do. I’m involved with charity and I try doing my bit, but I won’t give money to people on the street. Really, what is the point? And there is not much more we can do about it is there?

Walking to the bus stop this morning (my lift has a day off), I saw the usual homeless guys (and a few newbie’s) sitting outside Spar with empty Autumn Harvest Sparkling Wine (it should read: Paraffin) bottles lying next to them. Their hands outstretched, open, asking for money.

I politely smile and move on.

Tied to the telephone pole was a dog. (Don’t worry; his owner was in the café next door) I knelt to pat him on the head. A man standing by the bus stop approaches me and says;

"You should show the same compassion to the homeless guys as you do that dog."

So, I pat them too.

Good for me! I made a joke at the expense of a few homeless guys. And it never cost me a cent. *round of applause*

What more can we do?

Before I go, let me tell you why I’m limping today.

I was trying to moonwalk this morning to Britney while I was doing the flamingo in the lounge while buttoning up my shirt and I tripped. I reached out and tried grabbing hold of Onion (my pet giraffe) for support only to fall down anyway. Silly billy. Great help you were!

You all have a good weekend now hear?

oh the weekend that was...

We bought a sex “toy” this weekend.

In real life.

Went to Adult world. Away from home because we did not want to “bump into anyone we know”

Bumped into my mother there.

True story.

She used the same excuse that I was going to “I’m here to buy a friend a “fun” gift for her birthday”

Only, when you are holding a “toy” in one hand and your boyfriend has another “toy” in his hand and you are speaking to your mother in Adult World, well, you know you’re both talking crap.

Fun times I tell you. Fun times.

Then I went to go watch a show at the theatre. And then the cops asked us nicely to “vacate the premises” and then we found out there was a bomb. And they found it 3 hours later and I’m just so glad I did not end up getting blown up and having my arms and legs everywhere, coz as you know, everyone already wants a piece of me.

How are you lot?

a spider...

I think spiders are frightfully horrid creatures. With those hairy little legs and the fact that they have silk pooping out their butts that they then build into homes/traps is just too much for my little brain. I also hate when I walk through a spider-web and it's like OMG! So then you have to peel off the sticky INVISIBLE web and face the feeling that the spider is on you planning its strategy on how to bite you which is definitely no bueno. And I don’t kill them either because when I'm trying to kill a bug and it gets away I always end up thinking, "Dammit he's going to murder me now."
I do have reason to think they are very clever little creatures though. Just this morning, while standing outside have a cigarette I noticed a spiders web in the branches of the little shrub in the gardens.

So I broke it.

The web.

Not the spider.

Like the big kid I am I broke it. I had not ulterior motive. I just broke the web. This does not make me a bad person. We dust away spider webs all the time.

Then I witnessed something quite spectacular. The little spider immediately began repairing and rebuilding his web! Right before my very eyes. I found this fascinating and after another 10 minutes of standing there, someone from my office actually came looking for me because I was still quite glued to my spot just observing him pooping out silk.

I had to leave my little friend then, but when I went out a little while later I checked in on him and found that he had completed his task, and was napping (it looked so) after a meal of some sort of bug that had already been caught up in his web and turned into bug milkshake!

Wow.
That’s pretty amazing.
I think so anyway.

It got me thinking of all sorts of thinking stuff, and how in life, people often walk past and just unapologetically break down certain aspects, areas or beliefs we have. And too often we stand there, dumbfounded, not knowing what to do next.

I’m going to try being a little more like the little spider. That horrible little thing that I’m sure just wants to eat me. The next time someone tries taking away from me, or breaks down something I’ve built, believed or hoped for, I’m just going to get right back up again and put it back together again.

Thank you for that lesson. You clever little spider.

Ps – I know they don’t shoot silk out their buts really really, but I’m not sure where it does come from and “buts” is just a word that makes me laugh so much. So leave me be.

sad - sad day

Blogging has become near impossible these days. It’s a terrible thing. Not blogging. What I’ve been told by the powers that be here at work, is that I “abused” the internet during work hours. So I’m now forbidden from using the internet at work. For three months. I’ve already marked the first of July on my desk planner calendar thingy to remind them to give me back my interweb.

(they used the word “Forbidden”) so yeah, shhh, don’t tell anyone I’ve “borrowed” a colleagues PC to post quick.

How sad is this?

Look what has become of me during the day…

I miss gmail so much…. Look what I’ve been reduced to.

yay!

Firstly, blogging from my cell phone sucks. Secondly, guess who just got a copy of the book a million miles from normal? Meeeee!! yay!