Friday, October 30, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
words
I write a million words on my wall, and I look at them,
And laugh at myself.
I make flow charts between them,
Scientifically calculate their accuracy.
String them into silly little poems with no rhythm no rhyme.
I spike them onto sosatie sticks and braai them on hot coals,
Serve them with chilli and lime.
I sew them into pink ballet shoes and hang pretty ribbons on them.
I sever them from my body and tie them into the laces of my butch black boots.
I wear them like shiny pearls from my neck,
And I drape them on the windows in the serenity of my bedroom.
I loath in them and swim in them,
And I laugh at how they float off in big soapy bubbles.
I wish I could construct a sentence and wrap it in tissue paper,
Tie it in a bow and place it on your door step.
Then tomorrow, when you wake,
It will be there,
These words I chose for you.
I know you will find them,
Somewhere inside me in time to come.
And laugh at myself.
I make flow charts between them,
Scientifically calculate their accuracy.
String them into silly little poems with no rhythm no rhyme.
I spike them onto sosatie sticks and braai them on hot coals,
Serve them with chilli and lime.
I sew them into pink ballet shoes and hang pretty ribbons on them.
I sever them from my body and tie them into the laces of my butch black boots.
I wear them like shiny pearls from my neck,
And I drape them on the windows in the serenity of my bedroom.
I loath in them and swim in them,
And I laugh at how they float off in big soapy bubbles.
I wish I could construct a sentence and wrap it in tissue paper,
Tie it in a bow and place it on your door step.
Then tomorrow, when you wake,
It will be there,
These words I chose for you.
I know you will find them,
Somewhere inside me in time to come.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
moving on - and moving in
And what is this?
I’ve fallen into the “trap”
A trap I’ve quite happily fallen into though.
Yes, I’ve joined them, because I can not beat them.
I am officially cohabitating. My partner has moved in and I don’t even really know how it happened. It kind of just did.
We’ve been together for a good couple of months now (most stable relationship of my life I will add) and he has practically lived with me for the last two, we’ve just made it official now.
By that I mean I’ve had to make space in my cupboards for all his shoes and clothes. Let me not get started on the toiletries.
Ok, let me get started on them!
I’ve never been one of those “iron clothes before going out” or even “shaving before going out” kind of guys. I never knew what toner was, or what one was meant to do with it. Cream to me was something served with cheesecake. THIS MAN IS INSANE! Takes him a good hour just to get ready in the mornings. And now I’ve succumbed. Although will admit to having better looking skin these days :)
Anyway – the important thing is that I’m happy. I really am. For the first time in a very – very long time.
It’s still sinking in though. Not that I have a boyfriend who I live with. The fact that I have a boyfriend. It was something I had wanted for so long. For such a very long time I was sad. I felt left out. I felt like why was no one interested in me for anything else than sex?
Now I have this man in my life who makes me feel like I’m just the bees knees.
“even when I was flat broke, you made me feel like a million bucks”
I wish I knew who it was that sings that song that line comes from, but I don’t.
It makes me smile a million smiles each time I hear it now.
I’ve fallen into the “trap”
A trap I’ve quite happily fallen into though.
Yes, I’ve joined them, because I can not beat them.
I am officially cohabitating. My partner has moved in and I don’t even really know how it happened. It kind of just did.
We’ve been together for a good couple of months now (most stable relationship of my life I will add) and he has practically lived with me for the last two, we’ve just made it official now.
By that I mean I’ve had to make space in my cupboards for all his shoes and clothes. Let me not get started on the toiletries.
Ok, let me get started on them!
I’ve never been one of those “iron clothes before going out” or even “shaving before going out” kind of guys. I never knew what toner was, or what one was meant to do with it. Cream to me was something served with cheesecake. THIS MAN IS INSANE! Takes him a good hour just to get ready in the mornings. And now I’ve succumbed. Although will admit to having better looking skin these days :)
Anyway – the important thing is that I’m happy. I really am. For the first time in a very – very long time.
It’s still sinking in though. Not that I have a boyfriend who I live with. The fact that I have a boyfriend. It was something I had wanted for so long. For such a very long time I was sad. I felt left out. I felt like why was no one interested in me for anything else than sex?
Now I have this man in my life who makes me feel like I’m just the bees knees.
“even when I was flat broke, you made me feel like a million bucks”
I wish I knew who it was that sings that song that line comes from, but I don’t.
It makes me smile a million smiles each time I hear it now.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
the death of a blog
edited and deleted and what not, due to trolls.
I write. That is what I do. Be it nonsense, be it a poem to pizza be it my heart dangling from a sleeve and I don’t want to stop writing.
I write. That is what I do. Be it nonsense, be it a poem to pizza be it my heart dangling from a sleeve and I don’t want to stop writing.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
One mans junk is another mans treasure
One mans junk is another mans treasure.
Or gold.
Or what ever it is.
I don’t know how the saying goes exactly.
How very true though.
The last few weeks have seen me in a reflective space. Looking at things from different angles and with new eyes.
Change. Such a nice word change, because it leaves open so much.
Expectation?
Room for growth?
What if Aladdin had never rubbed that golden lamp? What if while stumbling through the different corridors and rooms he had over looked the dusty old lamp thrown there by who ever had thought, agg, just another kak, dusty old lamp?
It might still be lying there.
Instead he picked it up and cleaned it knowing there was something special underneath the layers of dirt and grime.
And how right he was.
I know there are a few people out there in the world who think I’m junk.
That’s fine.
There are a few people out in the world who I think are junk.
Here’s the lovely part though…
To someone they are gold.
To someone they shine.
To someone they are the most precious thing on the face of the world.
Someone sees the beauty in them. The truths and the secrets hidden deep down.
Someone was or is or will break down those walls.
Clean away the mucky muckness.
And really, that’s all that counts.
That someone will.
And in the end.
They score for not being afraid.
Or gold.
Or what ever it is.
I don’t know how the saying goes exactly.
How very true though.
The last few weeks have seen me in a reflective space. Looking at things from different angles and with new eyes.
Change. Such a nice word change, because it leaves open so much.
Expectation?
Room for growth?
What if Aladdin had never rubbed that golden lamp? What if while stumbling through the different corridors and rooms he had over looked the dusty old lamp thrown there by who ever had thought, agg, just another kak, dusty old lamp?
It might still be lying there.
Instead he picked it up and cleaned it knowing there was something special underneath the layers of dirt and grime.
And how right he was.
I know there are a few people out there in the world who think I’m junk.
That’s fine.
There are a few people out in the world who I think are junk.
Here’s the lovely part though…
To someone they are gold.
To someone they shine.
To someone they are the most precious thing on the face of the world.
Someone sees the beauty in them. The truths and the secrets hidden deep down.
Someone was or is or will break down those walls.
Clean away the mucky muckness.
And really, that’s all that counts.
That someone will.
And in the end.
They score for not being afraid.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
change
In life you grow and you change.
However I find there will always be people who will say “But I know you. This is who you are” forgetting that people grow, forgetting that that’s not (actually) who I am. That is (actually) who I was.
(actually)
People go through phases in life, lessons – disruptions – addictions (be it people or things or stuffs) and people change.
But people, being people, won’t let you forget that will they? They want to remind you of it, over and over again. They want to remind you that you slipped once or twice. Even when you’ve cut those people out of your life they will find a way to worm their way in somewhere just to have their last word.
(tut tut)
I am not the same person I was in January 2007
I was not the same person in January of 2008
The person I was in January 2009 – is someone I’m actually quite glad to have left behind. And with it, people I associated with then.
What am I trying to say?
I’m saying fuck you to every person who has judged me in ill light for the choices I made in the past. The things I did. The places I went to. The things I said. Unless there is proof that I am indeed that same person. That same fool! Because FOOL is what a person who continues making the wrong choices is. If you can prove that the knocks on my head, the bruises on my knees did nothing more than leave a scar. Then go for it. call a spade a fucking spade.
Or did I learn to duck my head when walking through a low door way?
Did I read the “slippery when wet” sign – Did I learn a lesson from the one taught?
Guess what? Here is a new flash.
Each path, each road I could have possibly have chosen to walk down would have led me right here to where I am now. I did not take the road you chose. Nor did I chose yours. Or you over there in the pink blouse.
It’s called life. You walk the path you chose. No one else's.
Deal with it.
I am. And I’m loving it!
Oh, ps – I always have the last word.
However I find there will always be people who will say “But I know you. This is who you are” forgetting that people grow, forgetting that that’s not (actually) who I am. That is (actually) who I was.
(actually)
People go through phases in life, lessons – disruptions – addictions (be it people or things or stuffs) and people change.
But people, being people, won’t let you forget that will they? They want to remind you of it, over and over again. They want to remind you that you slipped once or twice. Even when you’ve cut those people out of your life they will find a way to worm their way in somewhere just to have their last word.
(tut tut)
I am not the same person I was in January 2007
I was not the same person in January of 2008
The person I was in January 2009 – is someone I’m actually quite glad to have left behind. And with it, people I associated with then.
What am I trying to say?
I’m saying fuck you to every person who has judged me in ill light for the choices I made in the past. The things I did. The places I went to. The things I said. Unless there is proof that I am indeed that same person. That same fool! Because FOOL is what a person who continues making the wrong choices is. If you can prove that the knocks on my head, the bruises on my knees did nothing more than leave a scar. Then go for it. call a spade a fucking spade.
Or did I learn to duck my head when walking through a low door way?
Did I read the “slippery when wet” sign – Did I learn a lesson from the one taught?
Guess what? Here is a new flash.
Each path, each road I could have possibly have chosen to walk down would have led me right here to where I am now. I did not take the road you chose. Nor did I chose yours. Or you over there in the pink blouse.
It’s called life. You walk the path you chose. No one else's.
Deal with it.
I am. And I’m loving it!
Oh, ps – I always have the last word.
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