of blue cakes and turning 30

I cried myself to sleep the eve of my 30th birthday. Not because I was turning 30, but because a culmination of stressful events were becoming even more stressful and presenting new challenges that I was quite simply, not in the mood for. Coupled with fierce nostalgia and memories of my gran telling me what a big boy I was becoming on my 13th birthday 17 years earlier – it was all just too much.

I woke up on the 14th of March 2011 with more hair than I thought I would at 30, and a pimple the size of South Africa on my chin.

“I’m 30” I shouted at it. “30! What the fuck is there a pimple on my face for at 30!”

The pimple just looked at me with a cheeky look, sneering at me as pimples do and continued being a pimple. “Fucktard” I shouted at it. “Dam you!”

My gran called me on the morning of my 30th, and sang “Happy Birthday to you” as she always does and I cried just a little at the beauty of it and the shakiness in her voice, then laughed when she said “you’re catching up to me now old man” I felt such a warmth and love come over me. To have my gran singing happy birthday for me at this stage in my life. I’m lucky. I know it. I appreciate it, and I tell her every day.

I’m not one for holidays and celebrations. I don’t go crazy doodle over Valentines; I don’t hide chocolate eggs on Easter. I don’t get all “Merrily on high” over Christmas, but there is something about birthdays… something special and magic and I believe that everyone should celebrate their birthdays.

At least! If nothing else at all.

I’ve had a few. 30 in fact, so I think myself a bit of a professional in this regard. I’ve been planning my own birthday parties since I was 11 – the year of the blue cake. The year no one ate cake at my birthday party. My mother did warn me I was not following the instructions properly – but I was in control and I was doing this my way.

Hehe. That ugly blue cake.

And now, 19 years later I still celebrate my birthday in the grandest style I can. This year will be a small private affair. Just going out for dinner with my family and boyfriend and I can not think of anything else I would rather be doing.

I don’t bake blue cakes anymore, but I think tonight I just might.