of new beginnings... and getting started

I like living where I live. The area I live in and the home I live in. I’ve stayed put in the same area for close to 10 years – it’s just where I like to be and although there was a 2 year gap when I lived on the golf estate (yuck) I ended up going “back to my hood”

I’m a city boy – but don’t like living in the city. I’m on the outskirts of the city. The hem of the skirt – which means I’m close to everything. 5 minutes from the beach, 2 minutes from the city centre.

I live very close to Florida Road – which is well known for all the trendy cafés and restaurants lining the street. Boutique hotels and designer clothing wear, antique shops and artsy fartsy deco shoppes brighten the place.

The thing with city living is that you will end up living in a small place. The place we moved into at the beginning of the month is a loft apartment. It is absolutely frikking gorgeous if I may say so myself and I am very happy there. We were lucky though – because we have a courtyard garden. A nice patio leads out of the living room into a paved courtyard with a nice big garden bed along the side and back. Very cool. Very lucky. Wozzie gets to play in the mud and plant things and watch them grow.

So now I’m learning – which is always fun, how to make the best of the space I have.

So far I’ve cleaned up and bought a small water feature which I’ve put in the corner next to the patio. I’ve put a few plants around it that I’m hoping will fill up the space a bit once they are all a bit more established – and there are 4 little fishies swimming around – much to Dexter’s amusement. I will post more pics as I go along and everything comes together.

of Dexter... and I wont take up too much of your time

I’ve mentioned the excitement of being the daddy of a little kitty cat. My very first pet that is not shared with a household. I am responsible for the little boys life. I have to feed him, make sure he has water. A warm comfy place to sleep and a happy home to live in.

Check. Check. Check.

Since being a new parent (the boyfriend moans that I treat Dexter like a human) I’ve loved being that person Dexter is so excited to see when I get home. When I’m on the porch having a ciggie I watch as he runs and jumps around in the garden, investigating every nook and cranny.

Now – the thing about cats, as we all know, is that they all have their own personality and are generally very – very independent. And this has began to worry me.

I’m already dreading the day he takes his first solo trip over the wall. Will I run after him? What will I do if he is gone for 2 or 3 hours? Send out a search party? Will I fret? You bet! Will I stay up all night until he comes back home – most probably. Will my boyfriend say something like “wozzie babe, relax yourself please before I smack you upside the head and just leave him to be”

He already has!

I should have got a dog. They stay home. they don’t jump walls and wander – while I sit at home and wonder.

I’ve realized that I don’t own a cat. I’m owned by a cat.

He really is just too cute though and I can not get over it :) funny though – I go spend a small fortune on play things for him and the boyfriend comes along and throws an empty toilet roll on the floor and that becomes the bomb – he wont play with anything else.

a thought, i thought.

I was in Amanzimtoti yesterday. I’m not a fan of Amanzimtoti to be quite honest with you – I’ve always thought it a bit “dodgy” – but that is not what this post is about – in fact, it does not really have anything to do with Amanzimtoti. I’m just saying because that’s where it happened. That’s where I thought my thought – it could have been anywhere.

While sitting on the sun deck at “The Reef Pub & Grill” (read: very dodgy spot) I noticed a homeless man walking down the street with his blanket.

The sun has tanned him browner than he should be. He does not look like he has bathed in months. Hair so matted and tangled I shudder to think what could possibly be growing in there. I looked over at my boyfriend and said

“See that man. He has nothing. He walks this street up and down, begging for a R2 here and there for bread, carrying nothing but his blanket. I suppose he has no destination in mind right either, he is just walking and when he stops walking he will be wherever it is that he wants to be”

I joked that all he did have was fleas.

And then I thought about how often we read stories of the rich and famous or even just the ordinary man and woman who have good jobs. Maybe loving partners and children. People who have homes and cars and bills to pay. A bed to sleep in, a kitchen to cook in. And there are these people out there – with all this stuff, who are so very depressed and not happy with their hand in life, who commit suicide.

And so I ask – when was the last time you heard of a homeless person found hanging in a tree in the park? A homeless person found after slitting her wrists with a broken beer bottle found lying in a gutter somewhere?

These are people with nothing. No where to go. No one to love, no one to love them back. It rains, they are wet. If it’s cold they wrap themselves up in filthy blankets dug up out of trash cans or just dirty because they have not been washed in a couple of months.

When it’s a really crazy hot day outside, they need to find a shady tree to sit under. I go inside and turn on the aircon.

Just makes me think we take way too much for granted. Maybe they are not the ones who are mad. Maybe, just maybe the old hobo talking to himself in the rain under the bus stop has “The Secret”

He smiles more often than that Aunty covered in gold and smelling like Red Door pushing her trolley through Woolworths does.

baby bop

Seems I’m caught in the middle of a baby boom.
Babies are being born and conceived all the time.
I’m very happy for all these friends and family members of mine and they are all wonderful people. Some are already parents, some are first time parents and I take my hat off to all of them. Must be the toughest job on earth. I know I don’t have the energy or desire to take on that position.

All these babies around me don’t make me broody. I think it is great that some people want to be parents; I’m just not a parent. I’m a good uncle – that is how I would like to keep it.

My friend Ella who has a 5 year old son is also pregnant. This is exciting news because her and her husband have been trying for some time to have a second baby and suffered a miscarriage earlier this year. She is now 4 months in to her pregnancy and we are quite chuffed.

When visiting at her home the other day I asked her son if he was excited about the baby.

“No” was his response.

“No? Why not? It’s exciting to be getting a new baby brother or sister” I said.

“No” he said again “I don’t want a baby brother and I don’t want a baby sister. I want a baby dinosaur”



And he is serious. That is all he wants mommy to have. A baby dinosaur.

Kids. They really do say the strangest things…

Oh, and good luck with pushing out a baby dino Ella.



One more random piece of information. Tomorrow is Heritage day this side of the world. Public Holiday. Yay. LOOONG weekend. So exciting. See you lot on the other side of Sunday!

i win

We went to a family gathering last night. There was no special occasion – nothing to celebrate, just a spontaneous get together.

How it works in my family is that we all prepare a plate of eats – get together and spend time catching up and talking shit really.

Off I went to the local Spar to buy some ingredients for quiche. I always make quiche. It’s simple and quick to make.

While inspecting cheese last night I noticed rather yummy looking legs attached to a rather yummy looking ass standing quite near me from the corner of my eye. I was careful not to be caught staring, I did not want my boyfriend to see me checking out some other dudes ass… I decided to take a quick peek, give this dude a twice over and walk away – as I turned to look at him he turned to look at me – and our eyes locked in a stare.

It was my boyfriend! I had been checking out my very own boyfriend!!! I was finished. I thought it was quite funny – and I felt better about the entire situation.

Finally we arrived at my mother’s house – quiche in hand, and – mumsy darling had also made quiche.

“Your moms quiche looks much nicer than yours does” the boyfriend said.

“Take that back” I said.

Both he and my mom laughed.

An hour later after we had all helped ourselves to some eats and sat down my boyfriend announced with a mouth full of quiche “hmm, yum, this quiche is awesome – better than yours babe”

As I looked over at him, ready to smack him upside the head with a lamp close by I realized he was eating MY quiche… hehe, thinking it was my mothers.

So I win.

Waaah!

Dexter

Guess what we got this weekend?

A kitty cat :)

A teeny tiny little kitty cat.

We call him Dexter.

I’ve never had a cat. Nor has the boyfriend. And now we do. Proud parents we are.

BUT IF YOU EVER hear of me creating a facebook profile for him, or refering to him as my son - shoot me. On the spot. I shant be one of those people...

maybe I will.

The pic is not too clear, but he is white with ginger ears. Very playful and inquisitive. I’m already head over heels for the little critter.

10 000 fireflies

When I’m not working, or stoned, or sleeping I’m spinning fire. I don’t even know how I got involved with Poi, but I did, and I love it. I find spinning one of the most relaxing things to do.

Here are some pics of me spinning fire.

the latest butterflies

Last post about butterflies...
Just thought I would share the latest edition.
I'm in an orange and yellow phase at the moment and these are now in the living room.

flutter by butterfly

I have a strange fascination with Butterflies. I just think they are beautiful. When I was in primary school I learnt how to make paper butterflies.

Soon there were butterflies everywhere. My bedroom walls were covered with colorful paper butterflies and I soon started making them for friends and family. Anyone who asked really.

Today I can tell you that my paper butterflies can be found in the USA at a distant families home. In Canada where a close friend of mine lives. In the UK they are dotted across at family homes, friends and acquaintances. They have made their way to Johannesburg to friends. They can be found in Cape Town – Bethlehem, Kroonstad, Nelspruit – they are all over! And then of course, in each and every home I’ve ever lived I’ve always folded new butterflies to match my new mood – my new home.

I sent some to a blogger friend up in Johannesburg some time back, a gifted blogger, author, mother – friend… I chose paper from magazines with words on, coz she be a lover of words you know – and this is the e-mailed response I got.

"I don't know what to say, I am moved and flattered and blown away. They are so beautiful and I will never get tired of 'reading' each and every one of them. They look as though you know me, as if you climbed into my life and made my stories into the butterflies.
I'm going to put them in a box-frame and hang it beside my bed forever and ever.
I love you so much !!!!!!!!
Thank you Wozzlet, you made my heart swell so that it felt it would jump out of my chest and do Britney dances all over my kitchen table.

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”

(I bloody HEART that quote)

:)

And these are the butterflies I sent her.



I love that e-mail so so so much. It made me smile, from the inside out :)

of cheese burgers and beer... and how they met

I am sorry if I've written about this before. I do not remember, and anyway, this is my blog and I'm allowed to write about what ever the heckles I want to write about.

Pretty cool eh?

And yes, he may be brought up in blog posts and conversation on a regular basis, but I dont care :)

I was remembering how the boyfriend and I met last night. Skipping merrily down memory lane. We had a good chuckle.

We met quite by accident on line. Not on a dating site or hook up site or blog. I had responded to an add for tickets that were not wanted to a concert (that clearly I wanted). I met the guy to collect them and found I could not stop thinking about his Big Blue eyes. Apparently he could not stop thinking about my Big Green eyes either. And that was that.

A few days later I received an e-mail asking if I had enjoyed the concert? Just a simple e-mail. Of course I replied saying that I had enjoyed it etc, etc. A reply came a few minutes later and an hour later we had exchanged 26 e-mails. I learnt he was new in Durban, had just returned from New Zealand where he had lived with some family for a year and that he had only a handful of friends here.

“I know a really cool spot on the beachfront that does the best burgers around and the beer is cheap. I want to meet new people here and make new friends, so if you ever have time we should hang out. What do you think?” he asked as the e-mail conversation was winding up. “sounds good to me” I said. “Nothing wrong with making friends” and so it was arranged that we were to meet that very evening…

...and I just knew it was a date.

Once home I got ready and called a cab. It was to be an early evening. It was a school night you know, and then, after calling the cab 3 times because they were now running 20 minutes over the pick up time I ran from my apartment down to the main road where I knew there were usually always cabs waiting.

That evening there were none. I called to let him know that I would be running late, and after finally finding a cab I hysterically cried “you had better drive fast, I am late!”

The cab driver was a little old African lady. “oh” she said smiling, “you are going on a date? a first date?” and I said “yes. I am” Then she started giving me advice. “Just remember to be yourself. Smile a lot and always look interested, unless it is a bad date, then just walk out. You never know – this could be the one”

True story people.

She even gave me her cell phone number and asked that I please update her to how the date went. I never did :( Felt guilty for some reason. It was almost like she knew.

I arrived there 30 minutes late. As I walked toward the table he recognized me and stood up to meet and greet me. I swam people, I swam. I was skinny dipping in those Blue eyes, swimming - drowning - but had to remain cool – calm – collected. When in reality all I wanted to do was pounce him right there and then and do unspeakables.

We chatted a lot. We ate cheese burgers and drank ice-cold beer. We laughed and smiled. I stared. He stared. We stared.

After dinner we went over to the Durban Fun Fair, which pales in comparison to most of them here in SA and around the world. It is fun none the less and we enjoyed some time in the bumper cars (I had to get my bang on somehow) and then closed the evening with a ride on the cable cars. And let me tell you now that I am a sissy when it comes to heights but how could I not go?

The evening ended with a handshake. I knew – I knew that something was there. I’m not saying love at first sight. I am not saying I saw our future flash before my eyes but I knew that something was brewing there in that handshake.

We met again the next day. I bunked work so we could spend the day on the beach together, and we have spent every day together since then. It has only been a year and a half, but hey, this has been the most exciting year and a half ever.

He made me wait. Wait two weeks before we kissed. Or was that three? I can not even remember, but I do remember that it was four weeks after meeting and seeing each other daily that… well… hehe, you know. We got all funky in the bedroom. And lounge. And kitchen. And bathroom. And elevator.

Good times I tell you. Good times.

And I never want the good times to end.

confucius says - wtf?

We had dinner with a friend last night. Let’s call him Richard. Richards a nice name I think. Richard brought over his new girlfriend, we will call her Sally. I don’t know why.

Sally is sweet. Quite pretty and very pleasant, but Sally is also very stupid.

Or in denial.
Or could that all be the same thing?

Or maybe I’m wrong.

You see – Richard, 32 – is gay. He has been for as long as I’ve known him, and that’s a long time. He has lived openly, with a partner (who is now his ex) and now he has gone and confused the issue by declaring his undying love for Silly Sally – WHO BY THE WAY is well aware of his past. And now he is straight?

I’m willing to admit that I could be wrong on this, but I gotta ask it anyway: how the hell did he switch the gayness off?

I wrote about something similar earlier this year. Remember the gay couple in Malawi? Those who were being persecuted because they wanted to get married? Then two weeks later after creating a hoo-haa all over the world – they split up and the one dude pops his cherry and asks a woman to marry him and now they are in love and he is straight!

HALLELUJIA!!

It’s a fucking miracle.

Sis, now I’m swearing.

I remember when I was a kid going through my own thoughts and trying to figure out who I was, what I was and where I would end up.

“Am I gay, am I straight, yes I’m gay, no I’m not, I must be, I can’t be, OH God make me straight”

Really. True story. One told by many a gay person who was scared and confused – I prayed and I begged that the higher powers that be just take me out of my misery and make me straight because lets be honest, it’s not the easiest thing. Now it might be a lot easier, now I’ve learnt to accept myself and people have learnt the same. What I’m trying to say is that life would have been a lot easier for me if I had been straight. Finish school. Go study. Meet a pretty little girl and live in a pretty little house in a pretty little suburb and have lots of pretty little children.

It’s what everyone else in my bloody family did.

Only – I’m not straight. And I can not try appease the situation and try keep family and friends happy by pretending to be either, because the way I see it I could have done what was expected and I would have woken up one day, 40 and bald, with my lovely pretty wife sleeping next to me, the kids making breakfast and being left with having to face them and say –

“daddy’s poof, sorry for fucking up your life kidos or making it confusing, and darling wife, sorry for wasting 20 years of your life, anyway, I must run, I’m meeting Harold and his dog Toby for a walk in the park and a croissant, will be back later to fetch my things. Ok, toodles”

- and in doing so would have turned the world of innocent people up-side-down and THAT is definitely no bueno.

It has happened. Yes.
I know a man who is openly gay, but was married for many years.
He has children, who are ok with it.
They accept and understand the situation and all is well.
And the reason that this happened, I think, is that back then when he was my age it was not as easy to be an out gay person.
So conform was what was done.

We however have the choices today, the freedom, the support and respect from our peers today. We can make informed decisions so as not to make that same mistake that played out so many times in “The History of The Gay” (my blog, I get to make up titles)

Know what I mean? And I know I said choice, and this is these men’s own choices, but are they thinking this through properly?

Anyhoo – I’m now just rambling and I need to round this up. As much as I am very fond of Richard, I think he is playing a silly and seriously dangerous game. I do not believe that the relationship will last very long, and of course I want him to be happy and who he is and who he is with is no business of mine – I just don’t think its right.

What do you think about this? Seriously. I wanna know. Do you think that after being openly gay and accepting this fact for all your adult life you can then just one day decide to be straight?

I don’t.
I tried.
And now I’ve accepted, and now I’m happy.

of magic... and that is all

I woke up on Monday morning 6th September with the birds. As usual. I went down stairs, made a cup of coffee and grabbed my ciggies. Hooked up the hammock and rocked gently, to and fro – sipping my extra strong, black coffee and trying to blow rings of smoke. A talent I have never mastered in all my years (cough cough) of smoking. I started thinking to myself, which is something I often do when I’m by myself – about nothing at all. I was just… just. I looked around the garden, through the sliding doors into the living room and my eyes traced the embellished ballistrading leading upstairs to the loft where I knew my boyfriend was sleeping, and would still be for at least 3 more hours (remember I was up early, super early). Suddenly I felt very – very depressed, perhaps more frightened. Scared. Nervous. Sad.

All of a smelly sardine I was questioning the move. The next chapter of our lives – the one that sees the boyfriends moving out of the communal house into their own space. Suddenly it dawned on me that nothing was quite the same anymore. That even though we have lived together for over a year – this was different. It’s just you and me baby, just you and me.

Please note : You’re reading the blog of a man who has always lived alone. Always maintained independence, in the totality of the word and was now having to realize that things change, as they do. And the change had come.

I will admit that I was quite baffled by this uneasy feeling. Why now? I had been so very sure that this was what I wanted. I was so excited about this move. Why now was I feeling like this? I tried to shake off the feeling of uncertainty – but it would not budge, and so I had a glass of wine and a joint for breakfast at 05:00am while I rocked gently, to and fro in my hammock. This helped. For an hour, because when the world cleared up in my gaze, the game resumed and I was left there, in the hammock with the same thoughts running through my mind.

This continued for the rest of the day – and I never left home. I sat there, asking myself “why – why you thinking like this guy? What is going on?” and for once I had nothing to say. The king of the comment was stuck. And the king of comment struggled with these thoughts running through his head right up until Tuesday evening.

The boyfriend noticed I was not quite the same. I was quiet. I seemed moody. He seemed to pick up on my vibe, but he let me be, reminding me he was there and reassuring me of his love. Which helped a whole lot I promise because the next morning – as I woke up, with the birds as always – crept down stairs and made my coffee, sat on the patio sipping away and again trying (failing) to blow smoke rings, I started seeing the world through new eyes. I started feeling excited again. I realized that after one year of living together in a communal environment – and now living just the two of us was a good thing. Not a bad thing. I have nothing to fear.

The magic is still there, and maybe even more a little more powerful.

The rest of the week I had off was wonderful. We did not do very much as at the moment we are not able to spend money. With only me working, and the initial cost of our move, which was also all on my shoulders we have to be careful this month. We did however spend a lot of time on the beach and I have the tan to prove it. The time off, with the boyfriend at home too, was excellent for us. Being “forced” to spend so much time together and at home we spent a lot more time talking. Which I realized is something we have not really had much of. We also spent A LOT of time intimately, which was also something we had not done much of over the last few weeks and that was when it dawned on me just how pathetic stress can be to a person.

With my loves retrenchment, me working like a mad ogre (I’ve even been called megalomaniac…eek) and then the move, I forgot – for a moment (two days) that this was why I had been feeling so icky. It was quite normal that after a few months of stress and worry – that the one day I sit down to enjoy time off, it all caught up with me. And I only then began to process the enormity of it all.

I’m pleased to announce that I’ve returned to work feeling great. Positive. Energized. Rested, relaxed and very happy. I’ve learnt that tough times maketh a person and that good times and bad times come and go and that everything we go through is a lesson. That the tougher, more worrying times remind you of where you have been and where you can get to and how to get there.

And most importantly I learnt that I am so ridiculously and securely in love with someone who is so ridiculously and securely in love with me.

I did not chase after goats or toads.
I did not need to dig up any sand or turn any stones.
I did not need to wish on a star or the moon to find any magic…

It was there. Like it always is. In front of my eyes. It was in my bloody living room. In the kitchen – up the stairs, in the garden – there is even some magic in the hammock… It is everywhere

We need to stop forgetting this.

I need to stop forgetting this.

of time out... that i'm getting!

So I was meant to take leave in July. Just one week was all I asked for. I was granted the time off work, but then, 3 days before I was due to sit at home doing NOTHING I was asked if I would assist with a project at work. The truth is that the only reason I accepted the project was because I was offered money to do it. haha, and with my boyfriend being all retrenched and shyte, I wanted the security of what could almost have been seen as a second salary. It pretty much was a second salary.

So the project was given a two month time line - which I managed to complete with a week to spare, and now that it's all done and dusted, my leave has been reinstated.

Yay!

So I'm on a mini vacation. Starting this afternoon I will not be coming anywhere near this office untill the 13th September.

please expect nothing from Wozzel.blogspot during this period.

You can rest assured that I will be at home, relaxing. Drinking wine for breakfast - just because I can - swinging lazily in the hammock in the garden, maybe frolicking in the waves on the beach, and maybe - maybe I will bake.

Who knows, who cares - I really dont. I just need the time out. The silence. The rest.

The last time I took leave, I did it properly. That was last year, two weeks, over my birthday. A friend and I went on a crazy ass road trip through South Africa and it was awesomness personified... In the name of random and absence I'm going to re-post what I had written for another blog after the trip... coz I can.



pssst…

hello? Are you there?


Oi,
shhhh… hehehe,


quiet now…shhh, I want to tell you something….

come here quickly – and pay attention…


did you hear that I found magic?


………..Follow me.. I’ll tell you more.


If ever I’ve seen magic, I’ve seen it today… perhaps it’s where fairy’s play – or where dolphins surf the waves of a turquoise ocean? And I know I will see magic again tomorrow. Whisper – whisper – run and JUMP it’s magic see?

If you were to ask me to chose which of the many places we saw during our 15 day road trip, was my favourite, I would throw myself on the floor, kick and scream, I would throw a fit, putting any 5 year old to shame because choosing would be near impossible. If you were to say, I don’t know, push a little harder, I would have to go with Coffee Bay…. So, where do we begin? ooh, a list. I like lists. This is the list of the places we went to.

The list of places we went to

Ixopo
Lusikisiki
Coffee Bay
Hogs Back
Cape St Francis
Sedgefiled
Jeffrey’s Bay
East London
Lusikisiki

We started the trip off in Ixopo where we went to a Buddhist retreat for a Djembe Drumming weekend. Walking through the grounds of the retreat it’s very easy to believe that you are in a different place al together. A magical place maybe? Where silence really is golden. Where meditation, walks through rough stoned Labyrinths and energies are just an every day way of living.

Headed off to Lusikisiki early that Sunday morning, to go visit my mum who runs a lodge out there. We road horses. We sat on the beach. We drank wine. We laughed. We joked. The funniest was when I crept up behind kims horse, gave him a slap on the hind leg and watched him dart off down the beach… hehehe… ok, so I was the only one who thought that was funny.

There was much road. We’ve been up hills, down hills, over mountains, across bridges, over rivers. Up one hill and guess what was there? I’ll tell you. Nothing but more road. And then we ended up in Coffee Bay. Beautiful Coffee Bay. Watching the sunrise the first morning I suddenly realised that we were not a movie set! We really were slap in the middle of a little bay. The kind of amazing magic some people only ever do see in a movie (no man, sies, go on a holiday, I suggest the Eastern Cape). Only, it really is that much more beautiful and is that much more magical. Only, I felt Coffee Bay was missing a Pirate Ship. Every good “Bay” has to have a Pirate ship!

And I found a stone under a tree. I turned it over. A big frog jumped forward. I jumped back. He said “Croak!” and I said “Eeek!” and then I ran away “you can’t catch me frog! I’m looking for magic see!” and goats laughed at me. Perhaps they think I’m mad.

And we went to so many places. A place called “away with the fairies” in Hogs back which really was beautiful, just so very over grown. I went for a bit of a hike and was back within 20 minutes, red as a beet and half dead simply because the trail was so over grown that I never knew where I was and got a bit lost. So gave up. And I can keep up with the best of them when it comes to walking and running.

Our trip took us through to Cape St Francis. The next day I woke up and I was 28! And it did not ever hurt a bit! and I heard Whisper – whisper – run and JUMP it’s magic see?
And I got lots of messages and calls. And some of those were such magic too! Especially the most magical of them all. So after dealing with the fact that I was now 28 – the wrong side of 25, but the better side of 30, and having made sure I was still all in tact and after checking my blood pressure and cholesterol levels (must be more mature and responsible now) we headed off to Knysna.

WHAT HAPPENED TO KNYSNA? I did not find any magic there. I was devastated. From hippie to yuppie? No. sies. You can keep Knysna. That is all.

And then we met JK for dinner. And it was awesome. What a nice guy! We said things like “Hello, how do you do” and other nice things like “what a lovely home you have” and then JK opened some wine and it sounded like this - “PLOMP” and that was magic too! And then, after a few wines, we were laughing out our noses. It’s magic see!!

I was looking for magic. I knew I would find it somewhere, and up till then, I was starting to realize that there is – quite simply… magic everywhere… if you will only notice it… ssshhhhh – whisper – come… follow me

Things on my mind this week

All the work I need to catch up on.
Cape Town – will I make it?
Britney. Am I over Britney Spears? Or do I just need space?
I’m rested. I’m somewhat revived. I’m still wondering what’s next with work though. Where is life taking me next? I’m not convinced this is it. There is more.
My birthday party this weekend. Yes. I’m having another one coz my other friends missed me. Cool eh?
Crème Soda kisses :-)
Freedom. I hear it calling. Can anyone else hear it?
Did any of the first European Settlers kick themselves in the arses after seeing the Eastern Cape and already having had given KZN the title of holding “The valley of a thousand hills” silly fools!

I have a question for anyone living in Jeffrey’s Bay.

Why do you live in Jeffrey’s Bay?

Sorry, I do not mean to disrespect your home. And I’m sure that if you were to poke you finger into your left eye, tilt your head to the right and squint… then maybe it does start looking better. Ok – I’m being mean, so I will stop. I have nothing more to say about J-Bay.

East London really surprised me. It was the first time I had ever been there. And I really liked it. I could live there. Sitting on the deck at the back packers we stayed at, drinking coffee, watching the sun come up at 06:30am – I could totally see myself running along the beach, surfboard under my arm and jumping into the ocean to join the dolphins for a swim. Only – I can’t surf. So I would need to learn first. East London ended up being the place we stayed at the longest. Both kim and I fell in love with the vibe, the people, the sun and beaches. We played pool, we drank beer. We had an awesome time! Met some very interesting people, and bumped into one guy we had met in Coffee Bay and another someone we had met in Hogs Back. This got me interested in the lives of back packers… they are like a whole different sub culture of people. An entire society most of us know nothing about… so I decided to interview one… only I lost the piece of paper I wrote everything on. So I can’t blog it. sucky build up eh?

Before we knew it, it was time to hit the road again. Off we went, back to Lusikisiki, just to get some rest the last 2 days of the holiday.

And then we headed off home. I got home to find all my plants were still alive. I was so worried because I had never arranged for anyone to look after them, but they were FINE and I was happy and it was nice to be home. I did all the mature responsible things like unpack my bags and do a load of laundry (I kid you not, I flooded the bloody passage way again… that poor carpet) and drank a glass of wine and I reflected…

shhhh…

Whisper – whisper

did I tell you that I found magic?

Songs in my head this week

I need a hero – Bonnie Tyler (best road trip song ever.. kim and I were literally dancing in the car!)
Gotta be somebody – Nickle Back (awesome song)
Here you come again – Dolly Parton
Baa baa black sheep – just about any nursery school.
So what! – Pink

So I was sitting at home.
And I realized.

Oooh. I found magic. I found magic everywhere.

PEOPLE… do yourselves a favor! GO ON HOLIDAY. Go see our beautiful country. GO SEE IT IMMEDIATELY!!! Because if you don’t.. you’re missing out on something amazing. And it’s right here – right here!! In your back yard.

The magic?

haha, I had lost the magic…far less than that which was at stake at the time, and I realized.

I have changed.
I am magic.
I found it.
In me.

And this is what I want to share with you too… if you look closely enough, just look deep inside. Take 1 minute of your life and just LISTEN to me… because if you do, you’ll see -


there is magic in you too.






Bye Bye - See you all soon!!!

twilight - haha - I just can't help it

an ode to myself

I have decided to leave,
On a journey –
Of imaginary dreams,
A voyage of self discovery.
I will leave,
To become the artist –
The poet –
That which has been forgotten.
Isolation – a spirited renewal,
Solitude – an illusion of the heart.

I have decided to go,
As far as the horizon leads.
To rediscover –
The centre stone of my aura,
The very essence of my soul.
To find that place –
Where peace exists,
Only in silence.
Remembering the innocence,
Gathering the lost dreams of children.

© Wozzel (14/03/1997)