We had dinner with a friend last night. Let’s call him Richard. Richards a nice name I think. Richard brought over his new girlfriend, we will call her Sally. I don’t know why.
Sally is sweet. Quite pretty and very pleasant, but Sally is also very stupid.
Or in denial.
Or could that all be the same thing?
Or maybe I’m wrong.
You see – Richard, 32 – is gay. He has been for as long as I’ve known him, and that’s a long time. He has lived openly, with a partner (who is now his ex) and now he has gone and confused the issue by declaring his undying love for Silly Sally – WHO BY THE WAY is well aware of his past. And now he is straight?
I’m willing to admit that I could be wrong on this, but I gotta ask it anyway: how the hell did he switch the gayness off?
I wrote about something similar earlier this year. Remember the gay couple in Malawi? Those who were being persecuted because they wanted to get married? Then two weeks later after creating a hoo-haa all over the world – they split up and the one dude pops his cherry and asks a woman to marry him and now they are in love and he is straight!
HALLELUJIA!!
It’s a fucking miracle.
Sis, now I’m swearing.
I remember when I was a kid going through my own thoughts and trying to figure out who I was, what I was and where I would end up.
“Am I gay, am I straight, yes I’m gay, no I’m not, I must be, I can’t be, OH God make me straight”
Really. True story. One told by many a gay person who was scared and confused – I prayed and I begged that the higher powers that be just take me out of my misery and make me straight because lets be honest, it’s not the easiest thing. Now it might be a lot easier, now I’ve learnt to accept myself and people have learnt the same. What I’m trying to say is that life would have been a lot easier for me if I had been straight. Finish school. Go study. Meet a pretty little girl and live in a pretty little house in a pretty little suburb and have lots of pretty little children.
It’s what everyone else in my bloody family did.
Only – I’m not straight. And I can not try appease the situation and try keep family and friends happy by pretending to be either, because the way I see it I could have done what was expected and I would have woken up one day, 40 and bald, with my lovely pretty wife sleeping next to me, the kids making breakfast and being left with having to face them and say –
“daddy’s poof, sorry for fucking up your life kidos or making it confusing, and darling wife, sorry for wasting 20 years of your life, anyway, I must run, I’m meeting Harold and his dog Toby for a walk in the park and a croissant, will be back later to fetch my things. Ok, toodles”
- and in doing so would have turned the world of innocent people up-side-down and THAT is definitely no bueno.
It has happened. Yes.
I know a man who is openly gay, but was married for many years.
He has children, who are ok with it.
They accept and understand the situation and all is well.
And the reason that this happened, I think, is that back then when he was my age it was not as easy to be an out gay person.
So conform was what was done.
We however have the choices today, the freedom, the support and respect from our peers today. We can make informed decisions so as not to make that same mistake that played out so many times in “The History of The Gay” (my blog, I get to make up titles)
Know what I mean? And I know I said choice, and this is these men’s own choices, but are they thinking this through properly?
Anyhoo – I’m now just rambling and I need to round this up. As much as I am very fond of Richard, I think he is playing a silly and seriously dangerous game. I do not believe that the relationship will last very long, and of course I want him to be happy and who he is and who he is with is no business of mine – I just don’t think its right.
What do you think about this? Seriously. I wanna know. Do you think that after being openly gay and accepting this fact for all your adult life you can then just one day decide to be straight?
I don’t.
I tried.
And now I’ve accepted, and now I’m happy.
6 comments:
I'm very happy that you are happy in your shoes. I agree with you in most things. It would probably infuriate me the same as you about Richard, if Richard was my previously gay friend.
However, have you considered that Sally knows and is not as silly? Is it possible that Sally might simply want to get married and have children, even in a sexless marriage? Most marriages end up sexless anyway and she might have decided to give it a try even like this. How old is she? Maybe she's freaking out about being too old... Who knows?
Nik, you biscuit :) that is a brilliant point. One I did not think of. Of course, it seems I’ve jumped on my high horse without considering all options/points of view. She might not be silly at all but rather “clever” – they are both 32. A valid point, duly noted. THANK YOU :)
Ps – this is what I love about blogging. You get a platform to view your own views and opinions and get to gather other peoples point of view on the matter.
Baie dankie Nik :)
Wozzel. thank you for writing this post because there is relevance to it and I see your point. I’m glad to see that you are also open to the comments from us. I was married. I have a son. When he was eight years old I came out. It was a heart wrenching thing to do and I end with burning bridges and to this day we have to work with thesse issues and consequences. Don’t give your friend a hard time. be a supportive friend and in the end it should work out good. like you said in your post yesterday. There is magic everywhere and also even in this situation.
You are so right Joe - there is magic in each and every situation, sometimes the magic is just different to what we expected. Still magic though :)
I can't help you with Richard but maybe Suzy just has bad gaydar.
I do. I've ben going to the same hot, MILFy doctor for 10 years and I just found out she is gay.
I no longer look forward to my annual testicular cancer probing or finger up the youknowwhere with the same shivering anticipation.
SAY WHAT ???
I do agree with Nik though, Sally is being ignorant. I've got this friend at work who always says "the good guys are all either married or gay" hehe. Loneliness and heartache makes one do some strange sh*t sometimes.....
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