of goldfish and people and their similarities

I’m a manipulator. I am quite proud of this fact. Not in the evil, bitchy way the villains in a soapie are manipulators. More of a “I know how to and so I use it to get my way”

I’ve come to believe that people are very much like goldfish. I have goldfish and I’ve spent a lot of time observing them – goldfish do nothing really. They swim. They eat. They poop. Once a day I feed them. They know now, I’m sure, that every morning at 5am Daddy Wozzel comes through and sprinkles flakes into the tank. Like manna from heaven. Only it’s fishy. I can walk past the tank anytime of the day and tap the lid and what will those little fishies do? They frantically swim to the top in expectation of food.

This is why I think people are like goldfish. I read people well. I know what to say to who, when and how to say it. I bat my eyelids and smile and try put the cutest sweetest face on when dealing with a lady. When I’m dealing with an obviously straight “man’s man” I just as easily put on the more macho “howzit bru” look. I look for the weak spots or soft spots in a person – I learn what persons interests are, what makes them tick, what makes them think. And once I’ve gathered all of that I use it to my own advantage.

So far, so good.

I have a great job. The best office space in the department. I get to do pretty much what I want. I get to take time off when I want, I am asked for my opinion. I’m included in things that others in my department are not. And this is because just like my little fish that get fed a little bit each day – just enough for them not to get greedy – I feed people the information they want. I tell them what they want to hear or what they need to hear, sometimes stuff that they don’t need to hear. I befriend them. I make them number one. And again, just like those goldfish, when I walk past they come swimming to me hoping for more… but they only get what I give them and when I want to give it to them. And in return I get what I want. The truth is, and I don’t want it to sounds terrible, but people are jealous of me at work and I'm seen as someone who always gets his way - yet I’m still the favorite amongst them all, because I know how to handle them.

Only I am the one scoring because I’m the one playing the game and I’m the one keeping count and when I’m the one who wants something or needs something I know exactly where to go and who to speak to – to get it. I have ambition. I have goals. And I'm not scared to step on a few heads or scratch a few backs to reach them.

Yes. Yes. I know. Quite ingenious isn’t it?