my humble opinions and views

My boyfriend arrived home late on Friday evening as he was busy flying across country for work. This gave my roommate and I some one on one time to catch up. It’s important to note that roommate and I lived together first, my boyfriend moved in with us, and since moving in we have done more “couply” things and I’ve somewhat neglected my friend.

So we had time to catch up. What fun! First we had cocktails at home – then went to a place called Jack Rabbits in the area we live in for a few drinks. The point of the post today is to tell you about the discussion we had. I never thought this blog would be a place I discuss my relationship with my boyfriend in much detail, but I will share this.

See, my roommate had been in a relationship with a man who messed her around for 5 years. It was a tough time for her, a time that she was quite literally just hanging by a thread, clinging onto his every word and promise, being ill treated and so on. Now recently dating a new guy (who I might add is so lovely and so kind to her) we had lots to talk about. I loved what she said next.

“Woz, what you and Daz have, wow, it’s what I look up to in a relationship. It is what I want to achieve. You guys just seem to fit. I never see you angry with each other, and even when there is a disagreement, you both say what needs to be said – get it out and over with, and you move on. 5 minutes later you are both cooing and ooing and kissy kissy like nothing happened. And the compromising, I never notice anyone doing more that the other. You guys just seem to both give and take equally, it’s beautiful”

And I tell you all. It was lovely to hear that. To know that it’s not just in my head, I don’t just seem to think everything is going well, people notice it too!

Not that I’m a relationship expert at all, I’m just trying something different this time – and it’s working well and the three most important lessons I’ve learnt are these.

When we first started dating, he said something to me that I will never forget. “This thing about relationships being 50/50 is bull shit. There is no such thing. A relationship is 40/40. The other 20 is compromise. It’s understanding, it’s communication, together we need to make up the other percent”

And it works for us.

So that’s my first point. Don’t be all, 50/50 in a relationship. Understand that relationships involve hard work, but never forget; that they should be such hard work that you begin resenting the fact you are in one.

My next suggestion is that you should not be trying to be perfect. Else we are all doomed. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who wants everything to be perfect? But first, please tell me, what is perfect?

Lastly, something I believe strongly about is that there are no such things as time limits. I agree there are guide lines one should follow. We could call them “best practice” – when we hit puberty our parents never gave us a handbook saying “this is how life will be and these are the rules”

Rule number one, FORGET ALL THE RULES! You will learn them as you go along and they will mean different things to you at different times in your life.

And so I go back to the time lines or time limits. My boyfriend and I, as I’ve discussed before, waited a little longer than the average couple before we got intimate, yet, we moved in together quite early in our relationship. There was a big discussion about it of course, and what we decided was that we were not going to give into time lines. I know people who have been in relationships for over 10 years, and are not married. I know couples who had known each other for only 3 months before getting married. I know a couple who have been together for over 5 years and don’t live together. You get my drift? You know what I’m saying with this? You take it comes, and if it feels right, you go for it. If not, then just pull on the reigns a bit. Everything happens in the time it is meant to.

And that’s that. Dr Phil has left the building and now that you know my views on this all.

Jeepers, I sound like my mother.