Last night just as we were going to bed boyfriend received a frantic text message from his best friend saying that his boyfriend had just caught him on gaydar and that there was trouble in paradise.My first response was “what the hell is he doing on gaydar” so we sent a reply asking the same. The response was “I’m human, I’m just looking” to which we replied “looking is ok, but gaydar? speaks for itself? eish”
We did not get a reply after that.
Now this is the thing. We all mostly know that the gay community can be pretty promiscuous. There is a lot of “hooking up” that goes along with it all. I myself have never had a gaydar profile, being a bit of a prude myself I always tried the more conservative approach to meeting guys. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no paragon of virtue and I’ve had my one nighters and drunken hooliganisms in clubs – a lot less of those than a lot of people I know, and I wont and don’t judge you if you are on these sites looking for whatever it is that tickles your fancy. I myself just don’t.
My problem though is that when you are in a relationship you should honour that commitment. No questions asked.
So I can really understand why now, that he is in Shit Street, and I do not feel sorry for him at all.
“just looking” – no. I do not concur. What exactly would you be looking for? Networking? Friends? What now, so you log on to gaydar and you swap stories and you update your status and upload pics from your family holiday? Send out notifications of the latest news and celebrity gossip?
I don’t think so. That’s what facebook is for.
This started an interesting debate at 11:30pm in bed. Both boyfriend and I agreed that if either of us caught of each other on a dating or hook up site there would be hell to pay. There is only one reason you are on a site like that. To meat (yes, MEAT) people. And then, in my opinion, if you want to tell me that it’s “just to look” I’m going to say ok, but it’s also to see how far you can go without getting caught. And then, I ask, how far will you go?
The thought terrifies me because in my 28 (very almost 29) years I’ve had 3 long term relationships, 2 of them that were probably trouble from the start and they both cheated on me. It is unfortunate, but I will admit that it’s made me a very reserved person and since then I’ve dated very carefully, practically screening guys I’ve been interested. The third relationship is one I’m in now, that I’m incredibly happy in. One in which I feel safe, secure, loved and most importantly respected.
(on the “prude” side of things, some light on my own story, boyfriend and I only kissed 6 weeks after meeting and sexual intimacy was 2 months into our relationship – so you kind of know where I’m coming from I hope)
If you were “just innocently looking” then why were you “caught”. If you are not happy, and you need or want something else or something more, then just say so, get out of the relationship you’re in and don’t go around hurting people.
How very horrible and cruel.
Know what I mean?
13 comments:
I do agree with you woz. When you are single you are free to mingle but when in a relationship you must excersize respect and commitment.
2 months!
wow!
that's some kind of restraint!
don't know that i would have been capable!
but then maybe that's my problem!
haha Paige! It was kinda hard (oops) for me too, but thats how we wanted to do it all, we discussed it right from the start to take it slowly. lol.
I agree with Paige... 2 months? wow... that's impressive...
OK, you discussed it from the beginning to take it slowly. But HOW slowly?
No, seriously now. That's very respectful...
Nik, when we met we had both been single for a long time, I for example had been single and celibate for almost 2 years.
We had both been hurt and messed around in previous relationships and so when we first met and went on a date we had a long discussion about the fact that we wanted to try things differently.
We wanted to get to know each other first.
We dated, old school way. We went on plenty of dates, movies, went to the beach, took walks, talked to each other – went out for dinners, all that. Spent time just getting to know each other for who we really were.
It was tough, I wont lie. I for instance would have probably succumbed sooner than he, but I’m glad it went the way it did. it made it all so much more special, real and beautiful. It is a decision you make for yourself and we were both wanting something real, something that would be special and something that would last. And know what? I think that’s exactly what we have.
I really do understand the saying “I’m more in love everyday” because everyday I know him better, I learn new things about him and I and US and I love him even more. It can work. It has to work. There are too many stories out there of hook ups and break ups and one day this guy and one day that guy.
I'm a one man kind of person, and im glad to be able to say that it DOES work.
i also agre that when you are in a relationship, unless you are happy to be in an open one, the commitment must be honord. well done on 2 months, i think that is really amazing
Personally..., I applaud you r outlook. I think that that is the way it should be done. I have no problems with flirting, or random hook-ups. But if you want something real, then you have to work at it. Good for you.
Or the other thing, well I totally agree, if you are looking, then you are looking for a way out..., and if that is the case, you should be honest and get out.
Courage and Honour!
Octavius.
yeah, exactly Octavius, as i said, i also dont have anything against hook ups and flirting and such, i wont hold it against a person. I just dont live my own life that way. I would never judge though. BUT - i do have a problem with cheating. it's just not cool.
You must have been soooo nervous the first time you had sex...
It must have been great and nerve breaking at the same time... :-)
haha. it WAS! it was so nerve wrecking and fumbling - because, all of a sudden, we were also friends. We had formed a friendship and it was scary thinking maybe sex would ruin something, but in the end, it really was something special. something different and something brand new. I highly recommend it :)
lol
I applaud you. nice to read about a relationship like that. as for the friend, I would also be worried about cheating going onto sites like that. there really is only one reason guys go onto gaydar and that is to, as you said, meat up.
Wozzel, I just came upon your blog randomly and must say that the issues that give me hope in the gay community. Faithful relationships and safe sex are more important than most consider.
Just last week a guy I used to date asked if I wanted to 'trade photos'. My response: "No way. You have a boyfriend."
Aah, a very warm welcome to you! thanks for popping in and leaving your thoughts. In my experiences, faithful relationships are hard to come by. It’s not easy out there. It does however give me hope knowing that, well, I’ve managed to do so. It can be done.
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