one day

Sometime in the future, (could be tomorrow, could be next week) I'm going to die. Chances are good that I won't be happy about this. So, to make it easier on me, I've decided to include in my will several silly things as my final requests. Therefore, the people I know will have to do these things out of respect of my memory.

Suckers.

And I will be in heaven, looking down with Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Michael Jackson, Brittany Murphy, and assorted others as you people have to do all the things I've laid out for you. We will laugh. And not just cause heaven's air is made of laughing gas.

Here's what I've got so far:
1) shown at calling hours in casket made of delicious waffle cone
2) Play "Thriller" by Michael Jackson during memorial service and do robot dance
3) Read eulogy in style of auctioneer
4) Sever body into 9 pieces, bury one in each province
6) Except head, which should be frozen. Everyone will get to carry it around for a week like the Stanley Cup. Also can etch name into side of face.
7) Instead of hearse, tie me to top of car roof, like carcass of dead Kudu.
8) Cars in funeral procession must have bumper sticker that says "Honk if you're horny!"

And yes, I know you bastards will bury me in a shoe box at Oribi Gorge. That's fine too.