Last night my boyfriend decided he wanted to learn how to play the guitar.
Heavens help me.
I’ve taught kids how to play piano. I’ve taught kids how to play guitar. Teaching my boyfriend how to play guitar, is another story all together. I would sooner shave my scrotum with a straight razor.
Lucky for you this post has bugger all to do with my boyfriends guitar playing progress (or lack there of) – or shaving my scrotum, but I thought I would throw that in for a bit of useless info.
Now you know. And I’m moving on.
I have not been able to sleep for about a month now. I’ve always had problems with my sleep patterns, but things are getting out of hand now. I will lay awake, looking at the clock and think to myself, "OK, I can still get 6 hours sleep. That’s not bad. Alright, 4 hours, four isn't great, but it's at least 4 hours. If I go to sleep right now, I will get 3 hours. Now! As long as I go to sleep now I can still get 2 hours. I will just drink lots of espresso tomorrow. And it is today now, not last night. Wow, I didn't sleep again!"
Yeah. After a month of this I went to see my doctor and told him I cannot get to sleep. He asked me the standard questions.
Is there anything going on in my life that would upset me? Am I stressed? Am I sad? Am I anxious? Am I nervous? Am I overly excited?
He runs some medical tests, takes some blood.
Nothing.
Are you having relationship problems? Anything stressing you out? I say “no. Not at all.”
He asks if I am using any illegal drugs.
I say “not yet”
After seeing the commercials for every possible problem you could have and thinking that you can just go in these days and say, I want that, this doctor sets his clip board down, takes a deep breath and asks me in complete earnestness, "Have you tried masturbation?"
Have I tried Masturbation!
Dude!!! That was plan B, C & D after A of actual full on – energy consuming action. I am not paying the R280 consultation fee for this advice. Have I tried masturbation? You have to be kidding me! What do you think I am doing in between looking at the clock? I am bored out of my mind with masturbation to the point of sitting on my hand to make it feel like someone else's while the boyfriends asleep and I’m still awake!
That’s irony for you. My hand has fallen asleep, but I can't.
Give me pills, bitch!
Besides being incredibly improper and more than creepy, asking a man if he has tried masturbation in order to sleep is like asking a man if he's tried masturbation to sleep!!
If anything, I would think the pharmaceutical companies would want to suppress knowledge of it so people are forced to consider their products over a natural remedy. The way things are going with the drug companies writing the legislation that monitors them and the arch moral conservatives pushing their way into our lives, I can see a day just around the corner where I will need a prescription to jack-off.
So I got a new doctor.
One who doesn't recommend masturbation.
But this experience has left me wondering if I have glimpsed the future of mental health care in this country.
DVD store, strip club, pet shop and pharmacy all under one roof.
You just wanna hope that they will not make mistakes.
"Umm, excuse me. I brought in a prescription for masturbation and you gave me a poodle. I think there has been a mistake."
Funny part, the Doctor explained to me that a man who masturbates at least 3 times a week has a 70% chance of never developing prostate cancer.
In that case, I am 140% cured.
Now close the door...
I'm not looking at porn. I'm getting a prescription filled!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
a mystery
“Do you know what a mystery is?” she asked me. I could tell by the all knowing look on her 5 year old face that she knew exactly what a mystery was.
I said, playing along “why no. I don’t know what a mystery is. Do tell”
“A mystery” she explained matter of factly, “is a small box with ribbon in it. And when Aunty Vanessa put it in to the CD box, it played music! Music I’ve never heard of before. It is a mystery!”
And then I felt very – very old. This child does not know what a tape cassette is. She has only ever known CD’s – DVD’s – Cell Phones, the internet.
All these little things that we did not have as kids.
I only saw a cell phone in real life, for the first time, when I was 14.
I had seen one on TV before. Actually, it was Hope’s cell phone, Hope from Days of Our Lives, who’s was the first I had ever seen. I remember it was the size of a small car and it was white.
Evolution?
I said, playing along “why no. I don’t know what a mystery is. Do tell”
“A mystery” she explained matter of factly, “is a small box with ribbon in it. And when Aunty Vanessa put it in to the CD box, it played music! Music I’ve never heard of before. It is a mystery!”
And then I felt very – very old. This child does not know what a tape cassette is. She has only ever known CD’s – DVD’s – Cell Phones, the internet.
All these little things that we did not have as kids.
I only saw a cell phone in real life, for the first time, when I was 14.
I had seen one on TV before. Actually, it was Hope’s cell phone, Hope from Days of Our Lives, who’s was the first I had ever seen. I remember it was the size of a small car and it was white.
Evolution?
Monday, March 29, 2010
no point what so ever
a) I’m being stalked on facebook by someone with the same name as mine. For some bizarre reason this person sends me messages all the time saying things like “we should hang out sometime” and “you must be cool, we have the same name and surname”
Freak.
b) I must stop saying “oh dear Gloria Estefan” as often as I do. It’s very, very gay.
c) So am I – hehe.
d) My garden is finally starting to cooperate and after 4 hours on Saturday – of my boyfriend and I digging, fertilising, planting and arranging, I’m starting to really, really love it again.
e) I really should have been more sluttier in high school. Somehow, even though I kept my wholesome name (no. not really) I still sometimes think I may have missed out somewhere along the way.
f) I really should not have told my boyfriend that over the weekend.
g) I can not wait for the weekend. I know, it’s only Monday, but this is a good weekend coming up and I’m heading down to visit the boyfriends family, and I love being there.
Peace and quiet.
h) I need to write more. I need to explore new thoughts and ideas and get out of this bloggers block I find myself in.
i) I really must stop in at the shops and do some grocery shopping.
j) I really hate grocery shopping.
k) I have a headache.
l) I also have a tummy ache :(
m) I bought 3 new books this weekend. Did you know that?
n) They are all written by South African authors. I’m kinda biased like this.
o) I’m really trying to go through a – z with this list. Even if that means typing crap.
But I’m nice enough to warn you though?
p) P stands for Penis. A penis stands for action. If you’re gay, and you wake up next to your boyfriend/who ever you were with the night before, you get a double whammy. I always think that’s so funny. Morning glory times 2.
q) This is really harder than I thought it would be.
r) The list. Not the penis. Not yet anyway.
s) “Somewhere, over the rainbow”. Is a beautiful song that I love and begins with S
t) I spent over R900.00 on plants this weekend. A bit mad isn’t it?
u) My parents are coming over for dinner tomorrow evening and I have no idea what to make. Though, I’m leaning towards Nik’s Spinach and Feta pie. It’s awesome. And easy.
v) I was mugged :( and my cell phone was stolen.
w) My boyfriend bought me a new one :) not fancy and all that – but it does the trick.
x) So does my boyfriend if I ask him really nicely.
y) “Why do birds… suddenly appear” does not start with “Y” – but it kind of sounds the same.
z) Ze things ve do for ze sake of blogging.
Like write a random crappy lists. Or lithpth, if you say it like me :)
Shame. Oh well. You’ll be ok. Now back to your kitting.
Freak.
b) I must stop saying “oh dear Gloria Estefan” as often as I do. It’s very, very gay.
c) So am I – hehe.
d) My garden is finally starting to cooperate and after 4 hours on Saturday – of my boyfriend and I digging, fertilising, planting and arranging, I’m starting to really, really love it again.
e) I really should have been more sluttier in high school. Somehow, even though I kept my wholesome name (no. not really) I still sometimes think I may have missed out somewhere along the way.
f) I really should not have told my boyfriend that over the weekend.
g) I can not wait for the weekend. I know, it’s only Monday, but this is a good weekend coming up and I’m heading down to visit the boyfriends family, and I love being there.
Peace and quiet.
h) I need to write more. I need to explore new thoughts and ideas and get out of this bloggers block I find myself in.
i) I really must stop in at the shops and do some grocery shopping.
j) I really hate grocery shopping.
k) I have a headache.
l) I also have a tummy ache :(
m) I bought 3 new books this weekend. Did you know that?
n) They are all written by South African authors. I’m kinda biased like this.
o) I’m really trying to go through a – z with this list. Even if that means typing crap.
But I’m nice enough to warn you though?
p) P stands for Penis. A penis stands for action. If you’re gay, and you wake up next to your boyfriend/who ever you were with the night before, you get a double whammy. I always think that’s so funny. Morning glory times 2.
q) This is really harder than I thought it would be.
r) The list. Not the penis. Not yet anyway.
s) “Somewhere, over the rainbow”. Is a beautiful song that I love and begins with S
t) I spent over R900.00 on plants this weekend. A bit mad isn’t it?
u) My parents are coming over for dinner tomorrow evening and I have no idea what to make. Though, I’m leaning towards Nik’s Spinach and Feta pie. It’s awesome. And easy.
v) I was mugged :( and my cell phone was stolen.
w) My boyfriend bought me a new one :) not fancy and all that – but it does the trick.
x) So does my boyfriend if I ask him really nicely.
y) “Why do birds… suddenly appear” does not start with “Y” – but it kind of sounds the same.
z) Ze things ve do for ze sake of blogging.
Like write a random crappy lists. Or lithpth, if you say it like me :)
Shame. Oh well. You’ll be ok. Now back to your kitting.
Friday, March 26, 2010
the madness that has been my week
What a week. For a short one, it’s been a rather long one.
Yesterday was just too much.
There was the usual bitchiness amongst co-workers.
There was a boring conference.
There was the usual cat fighting between friends.
There was that strange smell hanging around the water cooler again. And that just made me sad.
Oh look, I did find one or two smiles along the way. There was old Maud in reception who I noticed had worn one black, one navy court shoe to work by mistake. That made me laugh. A lot. I even received a foreign language e-mail. Well, sort of. I had chocolate. I had coffee. I had a lovely chat with me gran. These things make me happy.
But, then – it happened. My lift tells me that he needs to leave early and I had to face public transport. This after coming back to work after the most boring seminar ever.
Ever.
I don’t remember much, except that I sulked all the way home and grunted at the people begging for money at the bus stop. And also maybe that kid who asked for the time. Eventually, I was home, eleventy hours later, and I was quite simply, diemoerin!
Then I noticed my face in the mirror. Oh my… if my mother was there she would smack me straight upside the head and say “Get over it my boy”. Then she would probably pour herself a glass of wine, give me “the hand” and walk away shaking her head as if I were an especially precious kitten that had died in tragic circumstances.
And I looked at this face of mine. just for a moment. I closed my eyes. I thought about the day and all it’s kakkiness. I remembered it was over now and so I could chill. I remembered that I was meeting my brother for lunch this weekend! And it’s his turn to pay :) Then I remembered I had wine in the rack!!!
Oh I smiled. A big silly smile. I did a little victory dance around my house, teased the cat and called him a silly queer, which made my boyfriend laugh and my roommate angry. And then, I went to sleep.
I was very tired remember?
So I’m not entirely sure what my pluck was. Maybe I was just tired. Maybe I just needed a good poo! Who knows? Not I! But I woke up feeling much better today and ready to embrace the new day. And – I’m smiling, because I still have wine at home!
I fell asleep remember.
I will however not embrace the strange smell. Not unless it is clinging to the man I love, and then by gods he better be something special!
Baa!
Yesterday was just too much.
There was the usual bitchiness amongst co-workers.
There was a boring conference.
There was the usual cat fighting between friends.
There was that strange smell hanging around the water cooler again. And that just made me sad.
Oh look, I did find one or two smiles along the way. There was old Maud in reception who I noticed had worn one black, one navy court shoe to work by mistake. That made me laugh. A lot. I even received a foreign language e-mail. Well, sort of. I had chocolate. I had coffee. I had a lovely chat with me gran. These things make me happy.
But, then – it happened. My lift tells me that he needs to leave early and I had to face public transport. This after coming back to work after the most boring seminar ever.
Ever.
I don’t remember much, except that I sulked all the way home and grunted at the people begging for money at the bus stop. And also maybe that kid who asked for the time. Eventually, I was home, eleventy hours later, and I was quite simply, diemoerin!
Then I noticed my face in the mirror. Oh my… if my mother was there she would smack me straight upside the head and say “Get over it my boy”. Then she would probably pour herself a glass of wine, give me “the hand” and walk away shaking her head as if I were an especially precious kitten that had died in tragic circumstances.
And I looked at this face of mine. just for a moment. I closed my eyes. I thought about the day and all it’s kakkiness. I remembered it was over now and so I could chill. I remembered that I was meeting my brother for lunch this weekend! And it’s his turn to pay :) Then I remembered I had wine in the rack!!!
Oh I smiled. A big silly smile. I did a little victory dance around my house, teased the cat and called him a silly queer, which made my boyfriend laugh and my roommate angry. And then, I went to sleep.
I was very tired remember?
So I’m not entirely sure what my pluck was. Maybe I was just tired. Maybe I just needed a good poo! Who knows? Not I! But I woke up feeling much better today and ready to embrace the new day. And – I’m smiling, because I still have wine at home!
I fell asleep remember.
I will however not embrace the strange smell. Not unless it is clinging to the man I love, and then by gods he better be something special!
Baa!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
learning to love my job
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve stopped bitching about Mondays. I just don’t let Monday get to me anymore, and what is quite nice, is that with all the public holidays we have here in March / April, I don’t have too many Mondays to deal with. At work anyway.
I do however bitch about work quite a lot. Which I guess is also rather unfair.
I love my job.
k. Love is a word not to be taken too lightly. Rather, I quite enjoy my job.
It’s the waking up early in the morning and forcing myself out of bed that gets to me more. It’s that Sunday evening feeling of doom and gloom because a new week is upon us, the morning traffic. The afternoon traffic. It’s the idea that out there, the sun is shining and the ocean is calling and the beers are chilling – and I’m just chilling at work that gets to me. And then of course… It’s the people I don’t like that much.
I am a peoples person. I think that is quite true of me. I just don’t like 98% of the people I work with.
The truth is though, once I get in to it. I actually have a pretty good time. Considering that I have a rather cushy job, that pays well and I get to do pretty much what I want to, I have it pretty easy.
So cheers to work I say. Cheers to keeping me out of mischief and away from too many chilled beers.
Godsiens, where would I be were I allowed to drink beer all day?
I don’t even want to know.
I do however bitch about work quite a lot. Which I guess is also rather unfair.
I love my job.
k. Love is a word not to be taken too lightly. Rather, I quite enjoy my job.
It’s the waking up early in the morning and forcing myself out of bed that gets to me more. It’s that Sunday evening feeling of doom and gloom because a new week is upon us, the morning traffic. The afternoon traffic. It’s the idea that out there, the sun is shining and the ocean is calling and the beers are chilling – and I’m just chilling at work that gets to me. And then of course… It’s the people I don’t like that much.
I am a peoples person. I think that is quite true of me. I just don’t like 98% of the people I work with.
The truth is though, once I get in to it. I actually have a pretty good time. Considering that I have a rather cushy job, that pays well and I get to do pretty much what I want to, I have it pretty easy.
So cheers to work I say. Cheers to keeping me out of mischief and away from too many chilled beers.
Godsiens, where would I be were I allowed to drink beer all day?
I don’t even want to know.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
oh, hi there :)
Sies! A week of no blogging? tut tut tut.
Vok – I’ve been busy at work. I’ve never been this busy ever in my life, but you know what, money kind of makes it worth while.
Quick run down of birthday celebrations – lots of fun. Lots of food. Lots of wine. Lots of prezzies :) and a Kelly Clarkson concert.
What I loved the most about the Kelly Clarkson concert was the beer. It was cold. It was on tap and there was a lot of it.
I was well spoiled and must say that I even though I’ve never been one for big celebrations and all that jazz, this year was awesome. I am just filled to the brim with love and happiness for all the people in my life.
Now the weekend is upon us. This is a bittersweet melody for me. I love weekends, but…
Boyfriend has gone away until Sunday ----> see sad face ------> :(
So tonight the wine is on me!
Like really.
I intend getting home. Lying down on the couch with a bottle of merlot, I’m thinking one of them magnum sized bottles, and a straw. There might be KFC involved too.
Then I’m going to drink until Sunday afternoon. I foresee much spillage.
Oh. Get this. Youre gonna pee in your pant. I’m 29 right? right.
And does Wozzie drive a car?
No.
Can Wozzie drive a car?
Not really. Only have had 3 lessons given by the boyfriend.
Really Wozzie?
Yes. Really.
So tomorrow I’m going to go and write my learners. hehe.
Yes.
Only, I’ve not actually learnt yet and I intend drinking wine all night.
So if you don’t hear anything more from me after this here bloggy, well, then you know I failed and I threw myself in front of a bus.
Bye bye.
Vok – I’ve been busy at work. I’ve never been this busy ever in my life, but you know what, money kind of makes it worth while.
Quick run down of birthday celebrations – lots of fun. Lots of food. Lots of wine. Lots of prezzies :) and a Kelly Clarkson concert.
What I loved the most about the Kelly Clarkson concert was the beer. It was cold. It was on tap and there was a lot of it.
I was well spoiled and must say that I even though I’ve never been one for big celebrations and all that jazz, this year was awesome. I am just filled to the brim with love and happiness for all the people in my life.
Now the weekend is upon us. This is a bittersweet melody for me. I love weekends, but…
Boyfriend has gone away until Sunday ----> see sad face ------> :(
So tonight the wine is on me!
Like really.
I intend getting home. Lying down on the couch with a bottle of merlot, I’m thinking one of them magnum sized bottles, and a straw. There might be KFC involved too.
Then I’m going to drink until Sunday afternoon. I foresee much spillage.
Oh. Get this. Youre gonna pee in your pant. I’m 29 right? right.
And does Wozzie drive a car?
No.
Can Wozzie drive a car?
Not really. Only have had 3 lessons given by the boyfriend.
Really Wozzie?
Yes. Really.
So tomorrow I’m going to go and write my learners. hehe.
Yes.
Only, I’ve not actually learnt yet and I intend drinking wine all night.
So if you don’t hear anything more from me after this here bloggy, well, then you know I failed and I threw myself in front of a bus.
Bye bye.
Friday, March 12, 2010
it's almost my birthday...
It’s almost my birthday. Bugger it.
There's something uninteresting about turning 29. Besides being exactly one year away from 30 I can think of nothing that makes it in any way significant.
I'll have to find a way to make it splendid.
Like drink pink drinks.
With those little funky colored umbrellas skewering cherries and holding them up as if they were perched on the edge of a high rise building watching the world below.
My birthday falls on Sunday the 14th. I’ve always liked the 14th. It’s a good day for me every month. This year, we’ve decided that as a group, we will all meet for a picnic in one of the parks here in Durban. I’ll fill you in on more next week, I mean, I would not want some crazy stalker type person reading my blog to pitch up…
Well, then again…
What I’m most excited about though is that I’m going to be spending the day with friends, family and my boyfriend. All day. In the open, under trees, fresh air and cake. And then, my boyfriend has something planned for my actual birthday on Sunday. A big surprise I’m told… ooh.
And, it’s FRIDAY! How cool is that? woot woot!
Happy Friday everybuddy :)
There's something uninteresting about turning 29. Besides being exactly one year away from 30 I can think of nothing that makes it in any way significant.
I'll have to find a way to make it splendid.
Like drink pink drinks.
With those little funky colored umbrellas skewering cherries and holding them up as if they were perched on the edge of a high rise building watching the world below.
My birthday falls on Sunday the 14th. I’ve always liked the 14th. It’s a good day for me every month. This year, we’ve decided that as a group, we will all meet for a picnic in one of the parks here in Durban. I’ll fill you in on more next week, I mean, I would not want some crazy stalker type person reading my blog to pitch up…
Well, then again…
What I’m most excited about though is that I’m going to be spending the day with friends, family and my boyfriend. All day. In the open, under trees, fresh air and cake. And then, my boyfriend has something planned for my actual birthday on Sunday. A big surprise I’m told… ooh.
And, it’s FRIDAY! How cool is that? woot woot!
Happy Friday everybuddy :)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
a pic - of the stadium
It is an admittedly bad pic.
Cell phone quality…
And my boyfriend looks like he is doing a pirouette there.
And the evening did turn out to the night I wish had never happened.
But I love that stadium.
Ps: I have NO idea who those people are standing next to my man…
Cell phone quality…
And my boyfriend looks like he is doing a pirouette there.
And the evening did turn out to the night I wish had never happened.
But I love that stadium.
Ps: I have NO idea who those people are standing next to my man…
graphs i love
Following the leader, I decided to post two of my fave graphs. Now, call me dumb, but I just can not figure out how to create a link to Paige’s blog.
I am sorry Paige.
Not the crispiest chip in the packet ya know.
Anyway, copy this here linky poo and go have a look see if you’ve never come across A Million Miles From Normal. http://amillionmilesfromnormal.blogspot.com/
I’m warning you though. You will never be the same again. In a good way I promise.
These make me laugh every time I see them. I want them printed on t-shirts.
I am sorry Paige.
Not the crispiest chip in the packet ya know.
Anyway, copy this here linky poo and go have a look see if you’ve never come across A Million Miles From Normal. http://amillionmilesfromnormal.blogspot.com/
I’m warning you though. You will never be the same again. In a good way I promise.
These make me laugh every time I see them. I want them printed on t-shirts.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
so exciting
Ooh. Ooh.
I have news I must share! I’m so excited. I have found the most amazing kitchen appliance ever. It has changed my life. And I did not even have to buy it from Verimark.
It’s so shiny.
It is my wedger.
It wedges just about everything and anything that can be wedged!
It is important that you get an idea of the versatility of the invention I have gone so far off as to say;
“It has changed my life”
I kid you not.
No more boring salads at my house. My veggies will be wedged.
No more skinny potato chips with your steak. Oh no. Bring on a golden crispy potato wedges.
No more slicing apples to be poached. Be you wedged…
apple!
*Wozzel considers sending his CV to Vermimark to sell to sell kitchen appliances*
I have news I must share! I’m so excited. I have found the most amazing kitchen appliance ever. It has changed my life. And I did not even have to buy it from Verimark.
It’s so shiny.
It is my wedger.
It wedges just about everything and anything that can be wedged!
It is important that you get an idea of the versatility of the invention I have gone so far off as to say;
“It has changed my life”
I kid you not.
No more boring salads at my house. My veggies will be wedged.
No more skinny potato chips with your steak. Oh no. Bring on a golden crispy potato wedges.
No more slicing apples to be poached. Be you wedged…
apple!
*Wozzel considers sending his CV to Vermimark to sell to sell kitchen appliances*
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
the color purple
Last night our roommate.
Oh wait. Let me breath.
Did she shock me something torrid last night. I don’t even know how we got onto this conversation. but hey. we did.
We discussed dildos.
Yip.
Then she decided she would show us her collection.
Yip.
Collection.
An entire drawer of dildos.
I did notice one thing they all had in common though. The dildos.
They were all purple. Is this a trend? The purple?
Then she danced with them. Remember “Oupa” the snake? Glenda Jackson used to dance with him. South Africa’s very first stripper / dancer – who caused massive waves back in the 70’s. I only know that because I’m friends with her daughter, but really. She danced with them. My roommate. With the dildos.
It disturbed me. She danced with a purple prick and I am having nightmares.
Who wants a purple plastic prick shoved up anywhere?
Actually, don’t answer that.
Oh wait. Let me breath.
Did she shock me something torrid last night. I don’t even know how we got onto this conversation. but hey. we did.
We discussed dildos.
Yip.
Then she decided she would show us her collection.
Yip.
Collection.
An entire drawer of dildos.
I did notice one thing they all had in common though. The dildos.
They were all purple. Is this a trend? The purple?
Then she danced with them. Remember “Oupa” the snake? Glenda Jackson used to dance with him. South Africa’s very first stripper / dancer – who caused massive waves back in the 70’s. I only know that because I’m friends with her daughter, but really. She danced with them. My roommate. With the dildos.
It disturbed me. She danced with a purple prick and I am having nightmares.
Who wants a purple plastic prick shoved up anywhere?
Actually, don’t answer that.
Monday, March 8, 2010
not just an old table
Restoring an old piece of furniture can fulfil a sense of accomplishment. You know. You take an old table, maybe it’s one from your childhood days that your mum is throwing out the garage and you decide, what the heck, lets take it home, sand it down and give it a good coat of varnish.
Then you and your partner and a few ice cold beers sit in the garden, under the shade of an old tree, and you laugh and you chat while carefully getting into all the grooves and corners and you carefully remove all the old varnish and give it a good rub down.
Then you stand back and admire the smooth clean table and begin applying the first coat of varnish. Then, after it has dried, some 6 hours later, you add the second coat.
That is what my boyfriend and I did on Saturday. We restored an old piece of furniture. An old homework desk I had when I was still a kid in school. An old desk my mother was about to throw out, when we decided to save it.
And we had a great time. And we had an opportunity to talk about the issues we had last week. And we said what we needed to say and said a few things we did not need to say. And in the end, it was exactly what needed to be said.
Only then, when we were done with our table restoration, and we stood back to admire our handiwork we burst out laughing because we really did do a crap job.
We did not manage to fix or restore the table quite how we wanted it. It did not come out looking like we thought it would.
But we fixed what needed to be fixed and that is all that matters.
Then you and your partner and a few ice cold beers sit in the garden, under the shade of an old tree, and you laugh and you chat while carefully getting into all the grooves and corners and you carefully remove all the old varnish and give it a good rub down.
Then you stand back and admire the smooth clean table and begin applying the first coat of varnish. Then, after it has dried, some 6 hours later, you add the second coat.
That is what my boyfriend and I did on Saturday. We restored an old piece of furniture. An old homework desk I had when I was still a kid in school. An old desk my mother was about to throw out, when we decided to save it.
And we had a great time. And we had an opportunity to talk about the issues we had last week. And we said what we needed to say and said a few things we did not need to say. And in the end, it was exactly what needed to be said.
Only then, when we were done with our table restoration, and we stood back to admire our handiwork we burst out laughing because we really did do a crap job.
We did not manage to fix or restore the table quite how we wanted it. It did not come out looking like we thought it would.
But we fixed what needed to be fixed and that is all that matters.
Friday, March 5, 2010
the remote - she is dead
So the DVD’s remote is dead. Bloody arse. About 2 weeks ago it stopped working. I ran to the shops to go buy new batteries (got a bottle of red while I was there) and voila, it worked. One week later, it dies again. I put it down to cheap batteries and then last night I go and spend R70 on new batteries (only 2 small batteries? Day light robbery!) (and about R48.00 on a bottle of red) only to get home to find that the remote is indeed dead. Now this is most frustrating because I can not really use the DVD player without the remote. I can put a CD in, and it will load and play, but there are no “skip” buttons on the actual DVD player. Therefore, if I put a CD in, I have to listen to the entire thing, whether or not I would prefer skipping to another song. This just irritates me. I could not cope. I opened the wine.
Now what I know about remote controls is scary. And I don’t know what I thought I would achieve, but I decided to take it apart and have a look. Those Chinese bastards who put this thing together think they are funny? Now not only do I have a broken remote, it’s in two pieces and I don’t know how to put it back together.
Now there shall be no judging of the Wozzel for his lack of technology expertise! I will have you know I can change a light bulb, connect a plug to a chord and I even once assisted with servicing a gear box on the ex’s car. I did. I even had cuts on my hands and grease in my hair and everything. lol.
Now I need to go shopping (shudder) again, and this time for a new remote.
Now what I know about remote controls is scary. And I don’t know what I thought I would achieve, but I decided to take it apart and have a look. Those Chinese bastards who put this thing together think they are funny? Now not only do I have a broken remote, it’s in two pieces and I don’t know how to put it back together.
Now there shall be no judging of the Wozzel for his lack of technology expertise! I will have you know I can change a light bulb, connect a plug to a chord and I even once assisted with servicing a gear box on the ex’s car. I did. I even had cuts on my hands and grease in my hair and everything. lol.
Now I need to go shopping (shudder) again, and this time for a new remote.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
the night i wish never happened
Last night was ridiculous.
I’m trying to think how to put this all.
Firstly, wow. What a beautiful stadium we have here in Durban. Really, it is something to admire. MASSIVE building, just massive.
We bought a round of drinks, found our seats and the vibe was pumping. The vuvuzelas were loud. We clapped and jumped and cheered, as planned. Even though, we ended up losing.
Things got ugly though.
For me.
I went to go buy the second round of drinks and got lost. I walked and walked and searched and searched but I could not find my boyfriend or our friends. I had my cell phone on me, but no one else had theirs. We did not take the car so I could not go wait there. The best I could think of was standing by the entrance until someone found me.
Now you must understand, I’m a small guy, I get really nervous when I’m in big crowds, and especially when I’m lost. I was pretty much in tears.
Eventually – what felt like hours later, my cell phone rang and it was my boyfriend. He had gone home to get his phone to call me. Of course he was completely stressed out not knowing what had become of me, I had by then drank the second round of 4 beers while waiting for someone to save me and was kind of out of it, sitting on the steps of the stadium – completely distraught.
By the time my boyfriend arrived his worry had turned to frustration and then into some kind of anger I can only describe as a little over the top. He was angry. I was cold and tired. He shouted – I shouted. I cried. He drove.
And then it was Thursday morning and if I could come up with a good enough excuse, I would go home, close all the curtains, curl up in bed and cry the day away.
I’ve been there, done that. I never want to go there again. Ever.
I’m trying to think how to put this all.
Firstly, wow. What a beautiful stadium we have here in Durban. Really, it is something to admire. MASSIVE building, just massive.
We bought a round of drinks, found our seats and the vibe was pumping. The vuvuzelas were loud. We clapped and jumped and cheered, as planned. Even though, we ended up losing.
Things got ugly though.
For me.
I went to go buy the second round of drinks and got lost. I walked and walked and searched and searched but I could not find my boyfriend or our friends. I had my cell phone on me, but no one else had theirs. We did not take the car so I could not go wait there. The best I could think of was standing by the entrance until someone found me.
Now you must understand, I’m a small guy, I get really nervous when I’m in big crowds, and especially when I’m lost. I was pretty much in tears.
Eventually – what felt like hours later, my cell phone rang and it was my boyfriend. He had gone home to get his phone to call me. Of course he was completely stressed out not knowing what had become of me, I had by then drank the second round of 4 beers while waiting for someone to save me and was kind of out of it, sitting on the steps of the stadium – completely distraught.
By the time my boyfriend arrived his worry had turned to frustration and then into some kind of anger I can only describe as a little over the top. He was angry. I was cold and tired. He shouted – I shouted. I cried. He drove.
And then it was Thursday morning and if I could come up with a good enough excuse, I would go home, close all the curtains, curl up in bed and cry the day away.
I’ve been there, done that. I never want to go there again. Ever.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Goooood MorNinG WedNESday!
I greeted Wednesday morning with puffy eyes and a warm horlicks, washed my face and hit the road. I love the world at 05:00am – it’s at its nicest. Mostly asleep with a soft stirring as apartment lights come on and baths are run and kettles boiled – street lamps flicker – flicker – on – then off.
Trees shake the last few drops of last nights rain off their leaves and they fall on my head. I whistle – rain drops keep falling on my head, keep falling on my head, and I smile, at myself, and the hobo who has just woken up in his cardboard house waves – and I wave back and he says “good morning” and I greet him back – as if he were a friend I’ve always known.
The sky is filled with colour. Peach, pink, blues and greens. The sun is lazy – and she is still in bed, she is in no rush.
I envy her; I think to myself, I would also rather be in bed today.
The Moses Mahbida stands proudly in the backdrop and I stop at one of Durban’s most beautiful look out points known as “the cube” to look at one of Durban’s most amazing sites - I look out over my city. The city I’ve always known. The city I love. And I say to myself “damn I’m proud of who we are” and I smile, because I know that later tonight I will be in that stadium, this pride of Ethekweni, the stadium built for the soccer world cup, tonight I will scream and shout – clap and jump and cheer for my country when I’m there to watch the game. And I remember, wow, only 99 days until the 2010 Soccer World Cup kick off.
I’ve forgotten that I’m running and now I’m just watching, I’m listening and I’m taking in all the freshness of an early morning. I jump in puddles and I jump on rocks. I balance on a wall and I’m doing the tango with a fly buzzing around my head.
Naaah, I would much rather be here, in the now, who needs to still be in bed?
Trees shake the last few drops of last nights rain off their leaves and they fall on my head. I whistle – rain drops keep falling on my head, keep falling on my head, and I smile, at myself, and the hobo who has just woken up in his cardboard house waves – and I wave back and he says “good morning” and I greet him back – as if he were a friend I’ve always known.
The sky is filled with colour. Peach, pink, blues and greens. The sun is lazy – and she is still in bed, she is in no rush.
I envy her; I think to myself, I would also rather be in bed today.
The Moses Mahbida stands proudly in the backdrop and I stop at one of Durban’s most beautiful look out points known as “the cube” to look at one of Durban’s most amazing sites - I look out over my city. The city I’ve always known. The city I love. And I say to myself “damn I’m proud of who we are” and I smile, because I know that later tonight I will be in that stadium, this pride of Ethekweni, the stadium built for the soccer world cup, tonight I will scream and shout – clap and jump and cheer for my country when I’m there to watch the game. And I remember, wow, only 99 days until the 2010 Soccer World Cup kick off.
I’ve forgotten that I’m running and now I’m just watching, I’m listening and I’m taking in all the freshness of an early morning. I jump in puddles and I jump on rocks. I balance on a wall and I’m doing the tango with a fly buzzing around my head.
Naaah, I would much rather be here, in the now, who needs to still be in bed?
dancing in the rain
I remember the times when we danced in the rain.
Wiping raindrops off your face –
You said we would do it all over again.
And now all I have left of you
Are the memories I hold on to.
Of dancing in the rain -
How you said we would do it all over again.
I thought I heard your foot steps
Coming down the corridor
But when I opened up my eyes
It was just a dream I’ve had before.
And now all I have left of you
Are the memories I try to keep true.
Of dancing in the rain -
How you said we would do it all over again.
And I don’t even know which way to go.
And I don’t mind - I’m killing time.
I’m just waiting for another rainy day.
That’s where you’ll find me; I’ll be dancing in the rain.
Wiping raindrops off your face –
You said we would do it all over again.
And now all I have left of you
Are the memories I hold on to.
Of dancing in the rain -
How you said we would do it all over again.
I thought I heard your foot steps
Coming down the corridor
But when I opened up my eyes
It was just a dream I’ve had before.
And now all I have left of you
Are the memories I try to keep true.
Of dancing in the rain -
How you said we would do it all over again.
And I don’t even know which way to go.
And I don’t mind - I’m killing time.
I’m just waiting for another rainy day.
That’s where you’ll find me; I’ll be dancing in the rain.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
get over it
When I got back to work on the 5th of January 2010 I made a decision.
I never knew how life changing it would be.
Well, in the very least, month changing.
We are only in march.
I will get back to you on how the rest of the year goes.
I decide that I was not going to let Monday get to me anymore. I was not going to argue, fight, spit or claw at Mondays face one minute longer. Who wants to start their week like that anyway? Not I. That is for sure.
I figured – Monday, as mean and rude as it is, is the one day in the week that I find generally goes pretty quickly. Before you know it, it’s over and you’re settling in for the evening and then, its Tuesday morning, Monday is nothing but a distant memory.
This has worked for me thus far. I find I have more issues with Wednesday these days. It’s my hump day. It’s when I start counting the days until Friday, who happens to be my favourite off all the Day clan. Hello Friday my old friend… it is so nice to see you again, is usually the tune I sing.
However, Monday is still mean to my partner. And on Mondays I don’t like him very much. My partner that is. Not Monday.
I dread Mondays now because I know that when I wake up on Monday morning I am going to have a moaning myrtle waking next to me. And he will huff, he will puff, he will bitch and moan – and I just ignore it. I know that when I get home I’m going to have a moody boyfriend. He will sit quietly on his chair, drinking an ice-cold cooldrink (he’s not much of a drinker, so I’m having a beer while he has a fanta or something) and he will stare out the door at the sky, or absently at the television, the odd grunt when the news is on an Julias Malema is the topic of conversation. I know that Monday’s presence will so severely affect his mood that I shant even anticipate that my arriving home will bring a smile to his face. I know this. It is my card in life and I’m ok with it.
To be honest with you and to kind of echo what I’ve already said, I just do not have the energy to let it get to me. Life is so short. The days going so quickly and I would much rather try my best to enjoy what there is than to wish it away.
Else, I could continue making an issue of it, I could wish the days away and then I’m going to wake up one day, 40 years old, fat and balding – and lying on the couch saying…
“what.. what… where am I? what just happened”
I never knew how life changing it would be.
Well, in the very least, month changing.
We are only in march.
I will get back to you on how the rest of the year goes.
I decide that I was not going to let Monday get to me anymore. I was not going to argue, fight, spit or claw at Mondays face one minute longer. Who wants to start their week like that anyway? Not I. That is for sure.
I figured – Monday, as mean and rude as it is, is the one day in the week that I find generally goes pretty quickly. Before you know it, it’s over and you’re settling in for the evening and then, its Tuesday morning, Monday is nothing but a distant memory.
This has worked for me thus far. I find I have more issues with Wednesday these days. It’s my hump day. It’s when I start counting the days until Friday, who happens to be my favourite off all the Day clan. Hello Friday my old friend… it is so nice to see you again, is usually the tune I sing.
However, Monday is still mean to my partner. And on Mondays I don’t like him very much. My partner that is. Not Monday.
I dread Mondays now because I know that when I wake up on Monday morning I am going to have a moaning myrtle waking next to me. And he will huff, he will puff, he will bitch and moan – and I just ignore it. I know that when I get home I’m going to have a moody boyfriend. He will sit quietly on his chair, drinking an ice-cold cooldrink (he’s not much of a drinker, so I’m having a beer while he has a fanta or something) and he will stare out the door at the sky, or absently at the television, the odd grunt when the news is on an Julias Malema is the topic of conversation. I know that Monday’s presence will so severely affect his mood that I shant even anticipate that my arriving home will bring a smile to his face. I know this. It is my card in life and I’m ok with it.
To be honest with you and to kind of echo what I’ve already said, I just do not have the energy to let it get to me. Life is so short. The days going so quickly and I would much rather try my best to enjoy what there is than to wish it away.
Else, I could continue making an issue of it, I could wish the days away and then I’m going to wake up one day, 40 years old, fat and balding – and lying on the couch saying…
“what.. what… where am I? what just happened”
Monday, March 1, 2010
My chit (work it out) My door, My life…
I will be 29 in two weeks time. The last year of my 20’s. I’m not going to be 20 something anymore. I’m going to be 29 and I have to deal with it.
Shitfuckdammit. What have I been doing for the last 28 years, 11 months and two weeks? Not much to show for it is there…
I have a blog. Surely I’ve done more with my life.
Surely.
That’s the thought I woke up with this morning. Who am I and what am I and what have I done and what will I do and what will happen and all that jazz.
Of course, I remembered, that I’ve done more than just create a blog. And that I have a lot more plans for the future than just updating my blog.
I’ve been a son. A brother. A friend and a lover. Oh jeez, lets all break out in song!
It’s true though. I do believe that I have been a good son. A good brother. A good friend, and if I may say so myself… a rather good lover. And it’s normal to go through these “phases” in life, when you wake up with the sneaky suspicion that your all is not quite what it is meant to be, that maybe, just maybe you’re meant to be doing something else. Something completely different all together.
If my mother were here listening to me bitching an moaning she would look at me, with that sad look in her face, as if I were an especially precious kitten who had died in the most tragic of circumstances, then scrunch her face up, give me the “hand” and tell me to get over myself.
Sometimes you just need someone to tell it like it is. And I think my mother is the only person in the world who is not scared to tell me exactly how it is. Even when I don’t want to hear it.
Anyway. I’m talking a load of crap and will just move right on.
I ended up going out on Friday night. My room mate whipped out her MAC makeup kit and did some kind of magic I’ve only ever seen on TV - and before you know it, VOILA, clear skin.
Clear skin I tell you. Not a blemish in sight. Long live make up.
Had a really great time even though the function was as boring as hell. You see, I had a few drinks too many and convinced my boyfriend that we should go clubbing after the function. It was the first time we had ever gone to a club together, so off we went to “The Lounge” not a real nice name for a gay club, I don’t think so, and it was the first time I had been there in over a year. crazy. I’ve realised that age is catching up with us because we were home just after 1:00am and woke up feeling VERY tender on Saturday morning. I thought I would die. I cant do late nights anymore. This is clear as daylight. Anyway. we get home from the club, I’m falling all over the place (naah, not so bad) and we decide that we should open some wine. At 1:00am.
Ja. Good idea.
Then we decide to roll the fattest joint in the world. Ever. At 1:00am after too many drinks and having just opened a bottle of wine.
Ja. Good idea.
Then my boyfriend had an argument with the bathroom door because he could not close it properly and it was sticking. And he punched it. And I laughed so much I almost peed my pant. Then I bandaged his hand with a sock. Coz we don’t have bandage and I was too drunk to care and there was blood and all I wanted was for the blood to go away. I was still laughing so much that I ended up peeing my pant.
Then I spent most of Saturday morning, hungover, shiny – with an even bigger zit on my chin, still fat – trying to fix the bathroom door. That was lying on the floor.
It now just hangs there on the door frame, on one screw and a prayer because I don’t know how to fix broken doors.
Next thing I know?
It’s Monday morning and I’m at work, doing a job that I don’t like very much.
Life. funny thing isn’t it? We spend all our time trying to figure out the meaning of it all, trying to figure out what we are meant to do while we’re here. trying to figure out how and why the days and weeks, months and years just go faster and faster and faster and faster and then…. We die.
Where’s the unlike button?
Shitfuckdammit. What have I been doing for the last 28 years, 11 months and two weeks? Not much to show for it is there…
I have a blog. Surely I’ve done more with my life.
Surely.
That’s the thought I woke up with this morning. Who am I and what am I and what have I done and what will I do and what will happen and all that jazz.
Of course, I remembered, that I’ve done more than just create a blog. And that I have a lot more plans for the future than just updating my blog.
I’ve been a son. A brother. A friend and a lover. Oh jeez, lets all break out in song!
It’s true though. I do believe that I have been a good son. A good brother. A good friend, and if I may say so myself… a rather good lover. And it’s normal to go through these “phases” in life, when you wake up with the sneaky suspicion that your all is not quite what it is meant to be, that maybe, just maybe you’re meant to be doing something else. Something completely different all together.
If my mother were here listening to me bitching an moaning she would look at me, with that sad look in her face, as if I were an especially precious kitten who had died in the most tragic of circumstances, then scrunch her face up, give me the “hand” and tell me to get over myself.
Sometimes you just need someone to tell it like it is. And I think my mother is the only person in the world who is not scared to tell me exactly how it is. Even when I don’t want to hear it.
Anyway. I’m talking a load of crap and will just move right on.
I ended up going out on Friday night. My room mate whipped out her MAC makeup kit and did some kind of magic I’ve only ever seen on TV - and before you know it, VOILA, clear skin.
Clear skin I tell you. Not a blemish in sight. Long live make up.
Had a really great time even though the function was as boring as hell. You see, I had a few drinks too many and convinced my boyfriend that we should go clubbing after the function. It was the first time we had ever gone to a club together, so off we went to “The Lounge” not a real nice name for a gay club, I don’t think so, and it was the first time I had been there in over a year. crazy. I’ve realised that age is catching up with us because we were home just after 1:00am and woke up feeling VERY tender on Saturday morning. I thought I would die. I cant do late nights anymore. This is clear as daylight. Anyway. we get home from the club, I’m falling all over the place (naah, not so bad) and we decide that we should open some wine. At 1:00am.
Ja. Good idea.
Then we decide to roll the fattest joint in the world. Ever. At 1:00am after too many drinks and having just opened a bottle of wine.
Ja. Good idea.
Then my boyfriend had an argument with the bathroom door because he could not close it properly and it was sticking. And he punched it. And I laughed so much I almost peed my pant. Then I bandaged his hand with a sock. Coz we don’t have bandage and I was too drunk to care and there was blood and all I wanted was for the blood to go away. I was still laughing so much that I ended up peeing my pant.
Then I spent most of Saturday morning, hungover, shiny – with an even bigger zit on my chin, still fat – trying to fix the bathroom door. That was lying on the floor.
It now just hangs there on the door frame, on one screw and a prayer because I don’t know how to fix broken doors.
Next thing I know?
It’s Monday morning and I’m at work, doing a job that I don’t like very much.
Life. funny thing isn’t it? We spend all our time trying to figure out the meaning of it all, trying to figure out what we are meant to do while we’re here. trying to figure out how and why the days and weeks, months and years just go faster and faster and faster and faster and then…. We die.
Where’s the unlike button?
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