to poo or not to poo?

Taking a poo can be a bit tricky when you are in a new relationship. Really; we don’t want to think about our partners exercising bowel movements, I get that.
It’s very much the same way we don’t want to think of our parents as being sexual beings –
…….but we know.

I used to think mine just never did. Poo that is. He stayed over so often but I had never seen him go into the bathroom for longer than a minute to take a wee – I thought it rather mysterious. Of course I never asked. I just let it be.

We were discussing the art of poo just the other day. We were talking about overcoming stage fright. Seeing as we live together now and taking into consideration that the bathroom is en suite, we thought it was necessary.

We discussed toilet etiquette. I was surprised and naturally pleased to learn that he also does. Poo that is. “I’m not the only one” I wanted to sing and shout! Instead I just said so in my head.

I don’t get stage fright. When I poo that is. For goodness sake. I just let lose.
I might open a tap.
Maybe run the shower?
You know the *cough cough* to disguise the “plimp kloomp klimp plomp”
but if you gotta go you gotta go.

When nature calls she doesn’t wait for an answer.

Yes I do believe one should be polite about it. One should be considerate and light a match, spray a spray – open the window a little perhaps.

Wozzie’s random thoughts – poo’s do’s and don’ts

One does not need to offer support. Standing outside cheering is going over board.
Asking “did you poo” in the morning - not on.
No need to announce it “honey, I’m just going for a poo. See you in a bit” No. No need. I don’t care.
Do spray. Please.
Don’t grunt. Please.
Sing – if it helps.
Do not under any circumstance name it.
Flush.

You know you have crossed a barrier, achieved a connection – reached a new level in your relationship when you ask “so was it lose or hard” and you may as well just get married right there and then on the spot because nothing is sacred anymore and you are officially a couple.

Ok, now that I’ve scared you all off and have you all shaking your head in complete shock I’m going to go now and talk shit somewhere else.